Tried With Fire

This time last year, I prayed that God would restore my joy. My verse for 2009 was 1 Peter 1:8, Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory . God was faithful and restored my joy. He even restored my odd sense of humor. I probably laughed more in 2009 than the previous three years combined, even though this was a hard year emotionally. It just proves the power of God's grace. It seems like a lifetime was rolled into one year considering all that happened in 2009. I am so grateful to the Lord for upholding us through this difficult season. I am so grateful to the church and saints who have prayed and stood with us. As 2010 draws nigh, I am praying for hope. The coming year is full of unknowns and more change. I dislike unknowns, and I don't like change. I also realize that I am somewhat afraid to hope. Perhaps it's because the one thing I hoped and prayed for was answered with a "no...

When I came to my senses yesterday, I realized (not for the first time) that self is self destructive. I could believe God's Word by faith, believe that He hears my prayers, believe that He is absolutely sovereign, believe that He works all things according to the counsel of His will. I could believe that He is good. I could trust Him and rest in Him. Is that the first thing I do? Nope. What is my default setting? It is to disbelieve God and wallow in the sin of unbelief. Is that self destructive or what? What is the root? I don't believe the Gospel. In Sunday's sermon, Pastor Ryan spoke on the the blind man in Luke 18 as a beautiful picture of the Gospel at work. He also mentioned several things that are not the Gospel, one of which was "Jesus can save me, but Jesus can't keep me." That nailed it on the head, because that was my experience until the last 2 years. I believed that Jesus saved me, but there was no assurance that He could keep me. Not because ...

As in Martha Stewart. The house goes on the market January 4th, so I am in the process of getting it presentable for showing. Translation: Make your house look like you don't live here. Better yet, make it look like no one lives here. I know that this is necessary, but I also hate the phoniness of it. The decluttering is probably good, but I don't like the stress of trying to maintain normal life without being able to live like a normal person, just to sell the house. If you have a gorgeous Martha Stewart Living-photo-spread home, more power to you. I do not. I think my home is reasonably clean, neat, with a certain amount of charm, but I don't live like I am in a photo shoot nor do I want to. Martha isn't on a tight budget. Martha doesn't homeschool. I can't see Martha putting on rubber gloves to tackle guinea pig bedding or clean up after a territorial house rabbit. I ventured this morning to Walmart and Lowes to get a minimum of things to make the house more...

Besides, the joy here mentioned arises from this, that there is nothing more calculated to increase our faith, than the knowledge of the providence of God; because without it, we would be harassed with doubts and fears, being uncertain whether or not the world was governed by chance. For this reason, it follows that those who aim at the subversion of this doctrine, depriving the children of God true comfort, and vexing their minds by unsettling their faith, forge themselves a hell upon earth. For what can be more awfully tormenting than to be constantly racked with doubt and anxiety? And we will never be able to arrive at a calm state of mind until we are taught to repose with implicit confidence in the providence of God. This quote is from Calvin's Commentary on the Book of Psalms as quoted in John Calvin - a Heart for Devotion, Doctrine & Doxology , page 86. I am about half way through the book and am enjoying it very much. These excerpts from Calvin's writings are whett...

I was feeling a little moody last night, not because of post Christmas blues, but because my daughter will be going away to be with her dad for a week. Add some self pity to the mix, some circumstance-related stress, and soon my anxiety cupboard was wide open. To combat my "woe is me" attitude, I began to pray. I turned on my shuffle to listen to the Messiah and came across the chorus based on these verses: Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: The chastisement of our peace was upon him. I opened my Bible to the Isaiah 53 and read these words, Yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted . I am ashamed of the times when I question God's love. But I thank God that He reminded my poor soul that forgets so easily. The reminder wasn't a warm fuzzy, Hallmark moment but a vivid reminder of the death of Christ on the cross. I wasn't just a morally neutral person...

Have a blessed Christ-exalting Christmas!

Why aren’t people disturbed by Christmas? One reason is our tendency to sanitize the birth narratives. We romanticize the story of Mary and Joseph rather than deal with the painful dilemma they faced when the Lord chose Mary to be the virgin who would conceive her child by the power of the Holy Spirit. We beautify the birth scene, not coming to terms with the stench of the stable, the poverty of the parents, the hostility of Herod. Don’t miss my point. There is something truly comforting and warming about the Christmas story, but it comes from understanding the reality, not from denying it. Most of us also have not come to terms with the baby in the manger. We sing, “Glory to the newborn King.” But do we truly recognize that the baby lying in the manger is appointed by God to be the King, to be either the Savior or Judge of all people? He is a most threatening person. Only those who have been profoundly disturbed to the point of deep repentance are able to receive the tidings of comf...

ht: The Lighthearted Calvinist

The gospel is not a doctrine of the tongue, but of life. It cannot be grasped by reason and memory only, but it is fully understood when it possesses the whole soul, and penetrates to the inner recesses of the heart. Let nominal Christians cease from insulting God by boasting themselves to be what they are not, and let them show themselves disciples not unworthy of Christ, their Master. We must assign first place to the knowledge of our religion, for that is the beginning of our salvation. But our religion will be unprofitable, if it does not change our heart, pervade our manners, and transform us into new creatures. From Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life ~ John Calvin , Baker, pg 17.

Since it's the first day of winter... Strength in Numbers: Sam Bush - fiddle, mandolin; Jerry Douglas - dobro; Bela Fleck - banjo, guiter; Mark O'Connor - fiddle, guitar; Edgar Meyer - bass

Pastor Ryan preached on Matthew 2 yesterday. This chapter relates Herod's slaughter of the the boys 2 years old and younger in Bethlehem. What a horrible event, and what a horrible person Herod must have been. Herod deliberately set out to murder God's Messiah to preserve himself and his position. But yesterday we were admonished that before we quickly condemn Herod, we are no different in our sinful nature. It is true that the world will array itself against Christ, but so will our sinful hearts if left to themselves. I was thinking about this last night. Haven't we all born the fruit of the first lie, "You will be like God" by our self-serving and self-preserving behavior? When I go my own way and refuse to obey, isn't that really self wanting to keep the throne? There go I but for the grace of God. Thus might I hide my blushing face While His dear cross appears, Dissolve my heart in thankfulness, And melt my eyes to tears. ~ Isaac Watts

It's only a paltry 1 inch, but we'll take any amount of snow we can get. I took this picture before leaving for church this morning. As expected, it was all gone when I got home.

Where's my parsley? This is a picture of Big Bun waiting expectantly for his evening salad. We think that Big Bun has some lop rabbit in his ancestry. He can do airplane ears like the picture above. He can also move his ears independently in a semaphore fashion. The rabbits don't do very much; however, Big Bun is a very nice companion. I usually sit on the floor next to the bunny and read. He loves attention which is very relaxing for us both. So this evening, I will read about Calvin and pet the bunny.

If we didn't have bunnies and the guinea pig, a cat would be a very interesting pet especially if it was like Maru: And speaking of bunnies:

After the white elephant exchange tonight, we came home with two things that no proper Calvinist home should be without... and... For the sake of any weaker brethren, I will not mention who brought the gift of the self-inflating whoopee cushion.

December 16, 1775 - July 18, 1817

"But Mr. Weston is almost an old man . Mr. Weston must be between forty and fifty ." from Emma by Jane Austen, chapter 4. As the year is drawing to a close, I have been thinking about growing older, because I turned 48 this year. In Jane Austen's time, 40-50 years was the average life span, and she only lived to 42. Therefore, the above comment may not be as harsh as we would think. But today, 50 is not old given our 21st century life expectancy. In fact, I have heard some people refer to it as the new 30. So if 50 is the new 30, I'm still in my theoretical 20's. Then why am I still sometimes reluctant to admit my age? Conversely, why am I flattered on the rare times I get carded at the grocery store? Maybe our culture encourages our infatuation with youth. Media has inundated us with the myth/lie which says "youth + beauty = happiness" or at least a reasonable fac simile. It's also interesting to note that the standard is different for women than ...

Our small group is having a white elephant exchange this week. If only I had time to get this or this . Maybe next year.

When I have things weighing on my mind (usually every day), I wake up before the alarm goes off and start thinking, which usually leads to worry. To combat this, I have begun to recite Scripture in my head in an effort to preach the truth to myself. For many years, my feelings used to shape my perception of God and my relationship to Him. Now, I need to let the Word declare who God is and take my cue from that. This has been a great help. It's helping my Scripture memorization as well as reinforcing the truth over and over. It's also very interesting how the doubts seem to shrink in the light of objective truth. The Word is a two-edged sword. Right now, I need to use it on myself.

We received a card from an area church regarding their special Christmas program. The title of the program is Imagine Christmas - somewhere between your memory and imagination . When I read this, it was the use of the words memory and imagination that gave me pause. Maybe I am being nit picky, but isn't the incarnation a fact? My first reaction was, "What about Christmas - as seen in the Word of God ?" Does the Biblical account need to be validated by our memories or imagination? Is there something worthy enough to be tacked onto the awe inspiring account of God, the Son, becoming man? It's not that I am against people having memories or having any imagination whatsoever, but it seems that Christmas is less and less about the Incarnation and more and more about my personal experience of the season and the feelings it gives me. We actually went looking for a Christmas tree yesterday. We couldn't find a reasonably priced fake one so we will make due with my daugh...

Every word of God proves true ; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Proverbs 30:5 You can't get any plainer than that.

For all you bakers: The perfect gift for the koala lover: And finally, to get you in that holiday spirit:

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me! But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you--for My power is made perfect in your weakness!' " 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Many prayers which seem to be unanswered--are really answered. The blessing comes--but in a form we do not recognize. Instead of the very thing we sought--something better is given! The burden is not lifted away--but we are sustained beneath it. We are not spared the suffering--but in the suffering we are brought nearer to God, and receive more of His grace. The sorrow is not taken away--but is changed to joy. Our ignorant prayers are taken into the hands of the great Intercessor, and are answered in ways far wiser than our thought! Instead of earthly trifles--heavenly riches! Instead of things which our poor wisdom sought--things God's infinite wisdom chose for us! Instead of pleasure for a day--gain for eternity! By J.R. Miller from gracegems .

I have been fairly distrustful of feelings lately, but I am still human enough to want to feel God's love, to feel hope especially in this ongoing trial. Today was such a day. Sometimes the feelings are there, but they weren't today. What to do? Should I go looking for something to generate them? I could have surfed the Internet and found something heartwarming and sentimental to give me a warm fuzzy, like the infamous Footprints in the Sand . (Don't mean to offend anyone, but I really dislike that poem.) But is it enough for me to believe what the Word says about God and His character? Is that enough for me to bank on regardless of whether I feel it or not and whether I see it happening now or not? I keep coming back to something Pastor Ryan shared about Joseph. Joseph's faith in God was demonstrated by the fact that he asked the Israelites to take his bones back to the promised land. It wasn't a question of if. It was a question of when. Joseph did not see it i...

As a child, my family celebrated Christmas until I was in high school. Due to convictions regarding some aspects of the holiday, my parents felt that we should stop. Given that they immigrated from Asia and much of the outward symbols are European in origin, it wasn't as though we had a long family history of celebrating Christmas. So I was fine with their decision. When I got married, my husband had the same convictions thus, the majority of my life has been Christmas-less. But my attitude towards Christmas began to change over the last two years. I needed to find the theological reason why, so I prayed and pondered. It clicked last Sunday when Pastor Ryan shared his first sermon of Advent on the message of grace in the Christmas story. This may be a totally obvious, but the celebration of Christmas is a celebration of the Gospel. How can you separate the incarnation from the Gospel? How would we know God apart from Jesus Christ? How could Jesus be our mediator without being fully...

As ever you would grow in grace, and have joy and peace in believing, beware of falling into this error. Cease to regard the Gospel as a mere collection of dry doctrines. Look at it rather as the revelation of a mighty living Being in whose sight you are daily to live. Cease to regard it as a mere set of abstract propositions and abstruse principles and rules. Look at it as the introduction to a glorious personal Friend . This is the kind of Gospel that the apostles preached. They did not go about the world telling men of love and mercy and pardon in the abstract. The leading subject of all their sermons was the loving heart of an actual living Christ . This is the kind of Gospel which is most calculated to promote sanctification and fitness for glory. Nothing, surely, is so likely to prepare us for that heaven where Christ’s personal presence will be all, and that glory where we shall meet Christ face to face, as to realize communion with Christ, as an actual living Person here on ea...

Featuring our furry friends: ht: Disapproving Rabbits For more Maru, go here .

What shall I say of Christ? The excelling glory of that object dazzles all apprehension, swallows up all expression. When we have borrowed metaphors from every creature that has any excellency or lovely property in it, till we have stript the whole creation bare of all its ornaments, and clothed Christ with all that glory; when we have even worn out our tongues, in ascribing praises to Him, alas! we have done nothing, when all is done. Dear Sir, Christ is the peerless pearl hid in the field (Matthew 13: 46). Will you be that wise merchant, that resolves to win and compass that treasure, whatever it shall cost you? Ah, Sir, Christ is a commodity that can never be bought too dear. ~ John Flavel, March 14, 1671.

A pleasant surprise in the garden...

I have been having a Psalm 73 sort of day. Maybe more of a Psalm 73 sort of week. I need to write out the verses and tape them to my bathroom mirror, because I often find myself in a similar state as the psalmist. I try and refrain from using the age-old line, "But it's not fair!" so I content myself with "When will this be over?" But it's a complaint all the same. It's one thing to mentally acknowledge that the ministry of suffering has not finished it's work yet. It is another to joyfully submit to God's hand. Tonight at prayer meeting, we were reminded from John 11 that Jesus loved Mary, Martha, Lazarus, and His disciples too well to give them just temporal good. This was so important to Jesus that He let Lazarus die for the sake of their eternal good. Exactly what I needed to hear. Isn't God good? So on my Psalm 73 day, I am thankful for the reminder that God loves me too well to grant me just temporal good. Although the temptation to get...

I am more of a pessimist by temperament. Worst case scenarios used to be my default setting. Some of them were quite outrageous and funny when seen in a rational light. However, I seem to be more prone to pessimism when I am tired, such as today. God has provided abundant grace, but there are some days when the cares of life and the unknown future loom very large. I know that God is in control and has ordained everything that takes place. I know that I should trust Him. I can look back and see how He has proven Himself again and again. But it's as though I am afraid to believe that things will improve circumstantially. It's almost easier for me to believe that things will get worse rather than better. I don't believe in the fairy tale "happy ending" anymore. Given the events of the last few years, I have a distinct aversion to personal fairy tales. Maybe I don't want to get my hopes up and have them be dashed again. But that raises the question as to the sourc...