Tried With Fire

If you are on social media, you may have seen the law enforcement lip sync challenge where the agencies of different communities challenge one another to show another side to the badge. I watched a few that were a lot of fun. However, the video from the sheriff's department of Pickens County, George is very different. Trigger warning: Scenes of domestic violence. The video contains scenes of domestic violence that are heartbreaking. The statistics that are cited at the end are heartbreaking, too. But I applaud them for using this platform to raise awareness and, above all, encourage victims to seek help. In a previous social media discussion, I wondered whether those who encourage victims to remain in abusive situations are violating the 6th commandment (Thou shalt not kill) by putting people in harm's way. This was confirmed by Pastor John Fonville who pointed me to the Heidelberg catechism's question 107. 107. Q. Is it enough, then, that we do not kill our neigh...

See updates at the bottom of the post - This sister-in-Christ is currently at the PCA General Assembly. She is waiting to see if her concerns will be addressed regarding how her domestic abuse was handled by her local church . The following video contains her interaction with the presbytery clerk . "Over the next year and a half, there was no acknowledgement from any of the Presbytery officers dealing with my case nor any of the elders at Faith Presbyterian that Charles had sinned, been abusive, or done anything seriously wrong at all. In one meeting I attended with two friends present, one of the Shepherding Committee officers compared Charles Garland’s tone to that of Jesus and the prophets in Scripture calling out those who were self righteous. The chair of the committee said he couldn’t be sure the recording was even real; perhaps I had digitally altered it." I know that all SBC leaders/pastors are not like Paige Patterson. Neither are all PCA leaders/pastors l...

In the light of the controversy surrounding Paige Patterson  and his comments on abuse and women, I am sharing this slightly edited post from 2014 that I wrote for domestic violence awareness month.  It's funny how the things we care about the most are often the most painful and emotionally exhausting to put into words. How do you encapsulate an issue that touches theology, history, and culture? How do you write about something so personal and not dredge up memories and feelings that you'd rather consign to oblivion? I wrote drafts that are probably too volatile to be published because they tipped a few sacred cows that we cling to as conservative Christians. It helped to get those thoughts out of my head, but I'm still frustrated at the huge blind spot that the evangelical church seems to have - a sort of hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil about domestic abuse within its walls. After much research, thinking, and praying, I am convinced that domestic violence...

It may be silly for me to post this for my little blog, but hey, why not? Writing is a way to get thoughts out of my head for further examination, so whether it is read or not is secondary. But this also gives me an idea of which subjects struck a chord or possibly a nerve. Based on this list, those subjects are: domestic violence, women in the church and society, the eternal subordination of the Son (ESS) debate, John Piper's rather perplexing statements on justification by faith, and thinking through difficult, ethical issues. Given my interests and concerns, I'll probably keep writing about them in the coming year. 10. If I had my druthers 9. These were tied:  Questioning a false dichotomy  &   The ESS elephant is still in the room 8.  Justified and not sanctified? 7. Roles: Another Andelin Connection? 6. It took "Hidden Figures" 5. Does this say what I think it says? 4. Domestic violence in the Australian church 3. "Me, myself, and I" spirit...

(In light of the #MeToo hashtag and October being domestic violence awareness month, this is an update of a post from 2 years ago with a few edits and additions.) So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.  Genesis 1:27 If you asked me to define the sanctity of life, here it is: Since all human beings are made in the image of God, all human beings should receive dignity, respect, and the right to life. This applies to the born and unborn. This applies to male and female. This applies to all people regardless of their race or ethnicity. The sanctity of life is not based on the ability to function independently or even the value with which a person contributes to society at large. The sanctity of life is an issue of  personhood  because identity is individual and never subsumed by another person regardless of the relationship. I think this definition covers what most evangelical Chr...

Lynette English has written the story of her abusive marriage and how it was handled by two churches. One handled it well, but one did not. The differences between the two reveal how much Christians need to learn about domestic violence. Here are a few excerpts, but please read the entire article for yourself. Thank you, Lynette, for sharing this! From A Tale of Two Churches: Abuse and Protection of the Vulnerable in the PCA Like many abusive spouses, my seminary-trained husband shed seminary-trained crocodile tears. The church’s compassion for my husband and the desire to save my marriage superseded church discipline. I was called to a meeting with my associate pastor and the elder task force, and told that my husband really needed grace. Lots of grace. I was to go home, love that man to death, and show him the grace of God by my actions, and he would find that irresistible. He would be forced to change, because my kindness would lead him to repentance. (I know now that this a...

Wendy Alsup wrote two posts ( part 1 & part 2) in response to the Nashville Statement. I agree with her concerns that the issue is bigger than just taking a stand against sexual immorality. The doctrine of Imago Dei is at stake: We are fighting now for an orthodox understanding not just of homosexuality, but of Imago Dei. What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to be made in the image of God?...Who bears human dignity? How should they be treated? (part 1) In the 2nd part , Wendy examines Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology and a recent statement from John MacArthur. She comes away with the concern that -  it seems that image bearers need to respect role and authority to actually show God’s image. Practically speaking, if you are perceived as not respecting either role or authority in life, you go down the priority list for protection as an image-bearer. Folks who see image-bearing dignity mitigated by how well you respect role and authority tend to work in a...

This is a link to the stories of 10 women and one man who are Australian evangelical Christians and victims of domestic violence. Read these stories and weep. Her Story of Domestic Violence  (ht: Barbara Roberts)  The bad counsel and victim-blaming are horrific. But if marriage is an idol, you will feel compelled to do all you can to shore up the idol at the expense of whoever may be sacrificed in the process. Collateral damage for the greater good. But isn't God glorified in delivering His children from evil, not in making them stay married to it? &&&&& Here is a related link which underlines the need for clarity when we talk about contentment. Is there a line that is crossed when "contentment" can be used to mean staying in an abusive situation or not taking a stand against sin? Even Jeremiah Burroughs has stated that we can use "lawful means" to seek relief from the circumstances. You just need to be content - A respon...

the two most important qualities [of the Ideal woman] were obedience and femininity... She wrote, "The first law of Heaven is obedience, and it should be the first law of every home." As a practical reminder of women's obedience to men, Andelin presented each her of students with a gold-painted dowel to represent her husband's authority. Then she assigned students to give the gold stick to their husbands in order to provide the couple with the opportunity to discuss their respective roles in a humorous manner. "The husbands like it, and often hang their sticks on the wall as a reminder and threaten to use it if the wife doesn't obey," she said. [1] Helen Andelin's book Fascinating Womanhood (1963)   was probably the mother of all conservative women's books to combat the 2nd wave of feminism. The above quote regarding her view on male authority isn't an anomaly but the norm. The man "was created in the image of God and given domini...

On July 19, 2017, the ABC network in Australia aired a program about domestic violence in the church. A few days later, 60 Minutes broadcasted two episodes ( part 1 & 2 ) interviewing a pastor's wife who was abused by her husband during their marriage. He is now serving time in prison. There has been a flurry of posts and articles supporting victims and further investigation into this issue. But sadly and not unexpectedly, there have also been those who would deny these claims, deny the statistics, and deflect attention from the specific problem of abused women in a Christian setting. A Cry for Justice has a post with links including a link to the original program.  They will be updating their post periodically as more stories are published. However, here are several posts worth considering: 'Submit to your husbands': Women told to endure domestic violence in the name of God  - This is the corresponding article to the ABC broadcast. It should be noted that the...

I was cautiously optimistic when I read Pastor Jason Meyer's sermon " Fooled by False Leadership " last year. Meyer spoke on the issue of domestic abuse in Christian homes because of hyper-headship. Many Christians only acknowledge physical violence as abuse, if that, and have a very limited understanding of abuse in general. In addition John Piper (Meyer's predecessor) is probably one of the last people I would ever send an abuse victim to for advice , hence the caution. However I was pleased to read the following statements and several charts detailing different forms of abuse and naming them abuse . If these are the numbers for physical and sexual abuse, imagine how much bigger the problem is if you add mental and emotional abuse. Let me put this in layman’s terms. Do not say insensitive, misguided things like, “If it doesn’t leave a physical mark, then it is not abuse.” and Emotional abuse is a pattern in the use of words and actions to assault, reorder, and...

I first shared this story in the light of the  Jian Ghomeshi  scandal back in 2014. Given recent events, it bears repeating. I am acquainted with both parties involved. Names have been changed and the story altered slightly for anonymity. Jane had been employed as an administrative assistant for several years. She was hard-working and aimed to do her best. The position for executive secretary to the Chief Executive Officer became available in the company where she was employed. Oddly enough, it was not uncommon for a new hire to not even last a month. One person resigned after a week. However, Jane applied. She was interviewed and then offered the job. What a great promotion! Jane was excited about her new position and looked forward to working for Mr. Smith. After a week or two, it became apparent why Jane's predecessors never stayed long in the job. She was expected to run errands for Mr. Smith and his family such as picking up dry cleaning and other busy work, non...

Why, when confronted with violence or abuse in a home, have we often placed the burden on the victim to justify her actions or somehow prove that she did not "make" him do it, rather than on the abuser to confess his sins and demonstrate change? We have frequently overemphasized the response of the abused to the exclusion of confronting the behavior of the abuser. Are we afraid he will turn his anger on us? Do we fear confrontation? Do we fear we will be accused of not holding the marriage covenant sacred? Do we really think protecting a home full of sin is keeping that sacred covenant? Do we fear standing with the oppressed?  Suffering and the Heart of God , Diane Langberg, New Growth Press, 2015, pg. 259. I have found that victims experience incredible relief, if not disbelief, when they hear me say, "If you are telling the truth, I will know it because I know what abuse is, how it thinks, and how it acts. And I will believe you, no matter who your abuser is or...

Several years ago, I would have been thrilled to attend Together 4 the Gospel. I had no pretensions to being a pastor. I would have been happy just working in the bookstore. I was not young or restless, more middle-aged and sedentary, but I was caught up in the excitement of this new movement and would have loved to bask in the reflected glory of the leaders I admired. The thought of being with so many Calvinists, all talking the same talk was very heady stuff. And this was cool and doctrinally "right" to boot. Having come through a few difficult church situations, I was idealistic enough to believe that selfish ambition and putting an organization ahead of people would never happen. After all, we were Calvinists, and a good solid doctrinal foundation would guard us against such things. But as events have played out over the years and even this week , this has not been the case, and I have been grieved to tears. It's true that elders must be able to teach, but that is...

Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse by Ruth A. Tucker, Zondervan, 2016, 208 pages. In 1967, Ruth Tucker was a young college student. She attended a summer camp and met the ideal Christian single man - a tall, dark, and handsome Bible whiz, who felt called to pastoral ministry. She was swept off her feet, and the relationship quickly progressed to engagement and then marriage. On the surface, it seemed straight out of a fairy tale, but there were red flags that indicated something lurking beneath the surface. Those warning signs did not lie. Ruth found herself married to an abuser who professed the name of Christ and used the Scriptures to justify his abuse, hence the title of her book - Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife.  She endured 19 years of battering and humiliation at the hands of her ex-husband, often hiding her bruises with clothing. 1  After all, who would believe her? Who would believe that a pastor ...

Unholy Charade: Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church , Jeff Crippen with Rebecca Davis, Justice Keepers Publishing, 2015, 208 pages. Most people would say that they would never condone domestic abuse. This is admirable. But it's also interesting that when abuse has been uncovered in a Christian setting, the first words out of someone's mouth are usually this: I would never have guessed that so-and-so was abusive. He always seemed like such a nice, godly man. Based on this typical response, we may abhor abuse and yet not truly understand its dynamics. We may not realize that abusers are master manipulators who have crafted a persona that they display to the world while acting very differently toward their victims. Unholy Charade: Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church does an excellent job in pulling down an abuser's facade and revealing the ugliness behind the mask. This book clearly details the traits of an abuser which include: Entitlement Power an...

Nearly a year ago, I wrote a post on the Just World Phenomena and its relation to victim blaming. In the light of the Abedini situation and other cases of abuse that have come to light, this theory is worth revisiting. In a nutshell, we assume the world is a just system that runs according to a set of rules. Therefore if we follow the rules correctly, we will achieve the desired outcome and get what we deserve. But what happens when the system fails? How do we respond when we witness injustice and in particular, when we witness people getting what they do  not deserve? 1 According to this theory. injustice causes the victim to suffer. But it also causes a sense of suffering in the viewer. To alleviate our discomfort, we can go to the aid of the victim or we can revise our opinion of the victim to maintain our belief that the world is "just." 2  If condition A prevents consequence B, but B happened to the victim, then she did not follow the rules. She brought it on hers...

There has been much commentary since Naghmeh Abedini went public about the domestic violence she endured in her marriage. Many are supporting her but others do not. Some question the truthfulness of her claim. Others question the need to disclose so private a matter. Either way, this situation reveals, in my opinion, misunderstanding and misinformation about domestic abuse in Christian circles. I have a more detailed post in progress, but the writing has been difficult because my heart is so heavy. In the meantime, here is a timely quote on the danger of remaining ignorant about abuse. For the record, I believe Naghmeh Abedini. I stand with abuse victims. Especially in "marriage issues," people don't like to take sides. God names horrendous sins in the Bible, and abuse is among them, perpetrated by those who disguise themselves as good religious leaders. But when we realize that this situation is in our own churches, it can turn our comfortable world upside down. Eit...

I'm going to jump on the 2015 book list bandwagon. The books are listed in the order they were read/listened: C.H. Spurgeon's Autobiography: The Early Years  (audiobook read by Robert Whitfield) - Spurgeon is my favorite dead theologian, and I loved hearing about his conversion and struggles to come to faith. My favorite line is "My mother said to me, one day, “Ah, Charles! I often prayed the Lord to make you a Christian, but I never asked that you might become a Baptist.” I could not resist the temptation to reply, “Ah, mother ! the Lord has answered your prayer with His usual bounty, and given you exceeding abundantly above what you asked or thought.”" The Democratization of American Christianity  by Nathan O. Hatch - A very interesting look at how the mindset of American Christianity was shaped by our culture. The Distinctiveness of Baptist Covenant Theology  by Pascal Denault - I am indebted to R.C. Sproul for opening up the beauty of Covenant Theology to...

Domestic abuse is one of those problems that is rarely addressed in the church. While we know it exists out there, we prefer to believe it doesn't take place in the Christian home. Why the discomfort? I think one reason is because of this question: What if the marriage ends in divorce? These are three possible camps regarding divorce among Christians that I am aware of: No divorce for any reason whatsoever. Divorce only for adultery and possibly abandonment. Divorce for adultery, abandonment, and abuse. I stand firmly in the third camp. For an in-depth defense of this position from scripture and church history, I would refer you to these lectures by Pastor David Dykstra (ARBCA). They are worth your time, and I would do them a disservice if I tried to duplicate his seven talks in one blog post. Rather, I am going to offer two hypothetical scenarios with the hope that you will consider how your position on divorce determines how you respond. Scenario 1. A man in your co...