Tried With Fire

Well it's been a few weeks since I've been an empty-nester. We had been planning and preparing for my daughter's move to grad school for a while. The living room was piled with boxes. Many orders were placed with Amazon. Friends helped us move the big things. We made trips back and forth for the remainder of her stuff, and then all of a sudden, it happened, and I'm now by myself. It's weird. I should be used to it with past visitation, but this time it's permanent. It's been an adjustment to the new normal. So here are a few things I've been learning. Take care of myself - This is one area that I could let slide. There have been some mornings where it is nearly lunchtime before I realize I haven't eaten or drunk anything. Not good. I've also put off going to the grocery store and making do with what I have in the fridge and the pantry because I don't feel like venturing out. Again not good. I now have a better inkling why elderly people...

This has been parenting week at Out of the Ordinary . Not planned but rather providential. Diane posted earlier this week on cutting the proverbial apron strings. Now it's my turn to write about learning to let go. As a parent, I believe that my daughter's salvation was of the Lord. Not because of what I did or did not do as a parent, thank God! I also believe that her keeping and growth are in His hands as well. But what if the path He has placed her on includes suffering, struggles, and questions? This is where it gets hard and where it can be hard to let go. That maternal instinct in me wants to reach out and grab the wheel, as it were, and steer her toward what I think is the smoother road. But there comes a point when Mom can't make everything all better anymore. Read the post here.

An Ode to Sleep Deprived Parents: Words: Matthew Hodge Music: O Fortuna from Carmina Burana by Carl Orff ht: Rachel Miller

As parents, we are sometimes more interested in protecting our children from the sinful influences of the world than we are preparing them for the deep sinfulness of their own hearts. We think that if we can just keep them from sinning too much while they are young and vulnerable, then they won't struggle with sin so much as adults. Of course, good parents don't allow their kids to sin much. They discipline, teach, restrain, and intervene. Yet these actions alone don't prepare young people well for the reality of the powerful temptations they will face when Mom and Dad aren't around. Simply building a fence between a child and temptation is not the same thing as preparing him to face life. Extravagant Grace , Barbara Duguid, P&R Publishing, pp. 78-79.

I was printing my daughter's research papers on Monday, and then I realized it. We were done homeschooling. Thirteen years were over in what seemed like a blink of the eye. I believe educational methods fall under Christian liberty and should be decided by each family, but I'm thankful I was able to homeschool. It suited my daughter's temperament and learning style. She thrived intellectually and emotionally. She's grown into a smart, funny, sweet-tempered, talented, and lovely young woman. But the homeschooling road wasn't always smooth. We're very different people from when we started 13 years ago. My now-ex husband and I decided to homeschool from the time we were pregnant. I remember sitting at a baby shower, great with child, and discussing homeschooling with a couple we respected. The mom told us that sometimes those late night conversations over heart issues are more important than parsing a verb or solving an equation the next day. I filed that bit o...

When folks talk about reliving their youth, I have no desire to go back, especially to my teen years. I was part of the out-crowd, so even if I tried to fit in, it was a lost cause. However, it was eye-opening to see the change in my friends when we made the jump to high school. In class, they seemed the same, but I later learned about the drinking, smoking, and who knows what else. But I don't think it was the booze or tobacco alone that was the draw. By living on the edge, they were admitted to a new circle of friends. They were suddenly noticed by older boys. These things were means to a desired end - acceptance and attention. If we're honest, we've all done this to a certain degree. "I want abc , and xyz will give it to me or help in me in my pursuit so I'll do  xyz  . " For teen girls it could look like: Dress like this and guys will give you a second look, which may lead to a date, which may lead to a relationship because true happiness is found whe...

Parenting is a scary thing. You have no clue when you bring your baby home, and, in some ways, you're still as clueless when your child is making the transition to adulthood. I know there isn't a perfect parenting method where we will get it all right, and our kids are guaranteed to grow into paragons of Christian virtue, but it's tempting to think you've found something reasonably close, at least for your family. When things are going well, it's tempting to think you have it under control.  I had good intentions, but I wonder about them. In an effort to keep my daughter from being hardened by the world, have I let her get soft rather than grow strong? To keep her from growing up too fast, have opportunities to mature slipped by? Because I couldn't protect her from the divorce, am I over-protective in other ways? What are my expectations for her? Are they just my personal aspirations or the Lord's? In trying to juggle both parental roles, have I botc...

So I finished Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother . It was a surprisingly interesting and quick read. The author, Amy Chua, relates her struggles and successes with the Chinese parenting method in her quest for excellence. According to the author, high academic, professional, and artistic achievements are the only sources of true happiness. Therefore it's the mother's job to see that this happens through strict discipline and hard work. I found myself cringing at her battles with her youngest over the violin and was shocked that she would deem birthday cards from a 4 and 7 year old unworthy because they were not the result of best effort.  Chua makes no bones about her ambitions for her daughters and firmly believes her parenting approach is best. Even if they hate her for a season, they will ultimately realize she had their best interests and happiness at heart. But she's honest enough to admit she might be jeopardizing their relationship in the long run. In the end, there w...

When one considers what the public schools of America in many places already are--their materialism, their discouragement of any sustained intellectual effort, their encouragement of the dangerous pseudoscientific fads of experimental psychology--one can only be appalled by the thought of a commonwealth in which there is no escape from such a soul-killing system. But the principle of such laws and their ultimate tendency are far worse than the immediate results.  A public school system, in itself, is indeed of enormous benefit to the race. But it is of benefit only if it is kept healthy at every moment by the absolutely free possibility of the competition of private schools. A public school system, if it means the providing of free education for those who desire it, is a noteworthy and beneficent achievement of modern times; but when once it becomes monopolistic it is the most perfect instrument of tyranny which has yet been devised. Freedom of thought in the middle ages was c...

I don't want my children to be happy. ht: Challies

My daughter came home this evening after being away for a week. It is so good to have her back home. We spent the evening catching up. I always give her a synopsis of the sermon she missed that morning and share the things I had been reading. We share the normal every day items as well as things God has been dealing with in our lives. As we were talking tonight, she told me that she appreciated that I told her what she needed to hear, not just what she wanted to hear. It was encouraging and humbling at the same time. I don't think any parent ever feels they've done enough and wouldn't want the chance to do something differently. This makes me all the more grateful to the Lord for taking my imperfect attempts at parenting and using them in her life. The theological world view is very different when she's away. Consequently, she has had to wrestle with the differences and take a doctrinal stand on what she believes. I'm thankful that she wants to base her view of God ...

For want of counting the cost, the children of religious parents often turn out ill and bring disgrace on Christianity. Familiar from their earliest years with the form and theory of the gospel, taught even from infancy to repeat great leading texts, accustomed every week to be instructed in the gospel, or to instruct others in Sunday schools, they often grow up professing a religion without knowing why or without ever having thought seriously about it . And then when the realities of grown–up life begin to press upon them, they often astound everyone by dropping all their religion and plunging right into the world. And why? They had never thoroughly understood the sacrifices which Christianity entails. They had never been taught to count the cost. ~ Holiness by J.C. Ryle This quote by J.C. Ryle was very sobering. I was also sobered while reading What He Must Be . Voddie Baucham quotes James Snyder's biography of A.W. Tozer. Although Tozer was a great preacher and writer, he "...