Tried With Fire

Why, when confronted with violence or abuse in a home, have we often placed the burden on the victim to justify her actions or somehow prove that she did not "make" him do it, rather than on the abuser to confess his sins and demonstrate change? We have frequently overemphasized the response of the abused to the exclusion of confronting the behavior of the abuser. Are we afraid he will turn his anger on us? Do we fear confrontation? Do we fear we will be accused of not holding the marriage covenant sacred? Do we really think protecting a home full of sin is keeping that sacred covenant? Do we fear standing with the oppressed?  Suffering and the Heart of God , Diane Langberg, New Growth Press, 2015, pg. 259. I have found that victims experience incredible relief, if not disbelief, when they hear me say, "If you are telling the truth, I will know it because I know what abuse is, how it thinks, and how it acts. And I will believe you, no matter who your abuser is or...

I think most Christians would reject outright the prosperity gospel that promises health and wealth. But I wonder if we buy into a more subtle version, which promises emotional and relational health. For the most part, we understand the physical needs of fellow believers. We pray when someone is sick. We take a meal. We do something. But what about the immaterial- the mental and emotional issues in our lives? This is much harder to understand because it is inside of us, hidden from sight. But if it is inside, does that mean we have more control over it and thus greater ability to "get over it?" My daughter made an interesting statement that we may want to "fix" people in the body of Christ because then we don't have to care for them. And I think she may be right. I just searched at christianbook.com and found more than 2000 books in the category for "Christian Living" for women. These books wouldn't be written if the authors didn't think the...

I had gotten Dr. Langberg's book thinking it would arm me for my fight against domestic violence and help others. But I assumed I was further down the road in my survivorhood than I really was. I am still very much in the process of healing, and I needed to read this: Returning to relationship after the shattering of trauma starts with the person we tell our story to. When we speak, we are heard. We are heard by someone who seeks to understand and feel with us. We are no longer isolated and alone in our suffering. However, we must eventually choose whether we will love again, care again, reach for another human being again. Trauma took away choice. Surviving and then telling our story returns that to us. We must choose what we will do with humans. We can hide, hate, or run from them, but then the trauma still has mastery.  Every act of kindness, every act of helpfulness, every act of forgiveness, and every act of love defies the trauma... Perpetrators of violence destroy trust...

Sexual abuse requires both deception and coercion or an abuse of power. The deception must first be of the self and then of the victim and the community. If it is to be covered up, then that deception and coercion must be continued by the system, which then is mimicking the perpetrator... When sin is exposed, it creates a crisis and crises do two things: they reveal character and they are also what we might call "separating" times. A crisis reveals character because in the moment of crisis, we do what we have been practicing. We display what we have been habituated. We demonstrate what or who we live in obedience to... A crisis is a revealing time. It reveals what is in the person who has come to you; it will reveal the heart of the one who is accused; it will reveal your heart to you; and it will reveal the heart of the structure or organization that is threatened by the truth. It is absolutely crucial that what is being revealed be seen and understood and responded to ...