Tried With Fire

I flipped through the New Testament last night and wrote a list of verses on the love of God. In all those instances in my non-exhaustive search, God's love was shown to us by the sacrificial and giving love of Jesus Christ, which ultimately led him to the cross. There's no way we could comprehend the perfect inter-trinitarian love of the Godhead. It would be more than we could handle or even witness in our fallen, creaturely state, but God demonstrated his love to us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom. 5: 8) I then wrote a list of verses on how God's love is supposed to be seen in believers, and there was a definite parallel. The evidence of God's love in our lives was related to our sacrificial love toward others, especially in the body of Christ. For example - A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you h...

I'm excited to be part of the launch team for Aimee Byrd's new book Why Can't We Be Friends?. The topic of biblical friendship brings forth strong opinions among Christians. Some say men and women cannot be friends because of the temptation to sin which affects our witness to the world. Others say we can and should be friends for the good of the body of Christ and our witness to the world. I am of the latter persuasion.  In many Christian circles for the sake of purity, cross-gender relationships are discouraged among teens because one needs to save one's self for a future spouse, not just physically but emotionally too. I get that this is a reaction to "casual" dating and to avoid immorality. Some avoid cross-gender friendships even after marriage. But this can set up marriage as the be all and in end all. It can also set up one's spouse as the sole fulfillment of every need - physical, emotional, and spiritual. (pg. 24) I'm still proces...

I was away last week helping my sister with elder care issues. She and my brother-in-law deserve medals for all they do for my parents because it isn't easy. The next step will be moving them from independent living to memory care for my mom and assisted living for my dad. Tackling practical stuff will be hard work, but I think it is harder seeing the decline even over the last few months. When I say goodbye, I can't help but wonder if I will see them again in this life because anything can happen. When I came back, I read this post at A Cry for Justice . This is a survivor's story, and it cut me to the heart because this line could have been my own: I didn’t tell you all these things because I was a good little Christian girl who doesn’t make waves and still thought I had to protect my abuser in some way. To compound this, I picked up a pamphlet among my dad's many books that we were trying to cull. Being a glutton for punishment, I read it when I should have b...

Thanks to technology, nothing ever goes away. It has come to light that a seminary president - Advised a woman to go back to her abusive husband and to just pray, knowing full well that this would subject her to further abuse. I had a woman who was in a church that I served, and she was being subject to some abuse, and I told her, I said, “All right, what I want you to do is, every evening I want you to get down by your bed just as he goes to sleep, get down by the bed, and when you think he’s just about asleep, you just pray and ask God to intervene, not out loud, quietly,” but I said, “You just pray there.” And I said, “Get ready because he may get a little more violent, you know, when he discovers this.” And sure enough, he did. She came to church one morning with both eyes black. Referred to a minor in sexually objectifying terms. Remarked that everyman should own at least one woman. This sounds more like the misogynistic remarks of Archie Bunker than a Christian leader. ...

I wrote this post last year but never published it. Believe me, I would much rather that this issue be properly dealt with in Christian circles, and I never write about domestic abuse again, but that time has not come yet. Until Christians realize the damage we inflict on one another because of the horrible advice we give *, domestic abuse needs to be discussed openly with humility and repentance. Cancer is a horrible disease. While there are many very successful treatments, I know of no absolute cure that can guarantee eradication once and for all. Survivors still undergo regular monitoring in case there is a recurrence. When someone is diagnosed, treatment is initiated quickly because of cancer's propensity to spread. While it is not wrong to hope and pray that a cure will be found, if I was diagnosed, I would accept existing treatment even with its limitations. This doesn't indicate a lack of faith. Rather it is wisdom because I don't know the future. It would be fool...

Rachael Denhollander was interviewed by Christianity Today . This article is a bombshell because she gives the reason they lost their church - The Denhollanders were advocates of the abuse victims in Sovereign Grace Ministry churches. I had my suspicions when she alluded to this in her victim impact statement. This interview confirms it. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and something is rotten in reformed-ish circles. While power and authority are not necessarily evil in themselves, they can become instruments of abuse when someone greater wields it over someone lesser to gain something that they could not get unless pressure was brought to bear. There are plenty of examples in the secular world like Harvey Weinstein. But how much worse is it when the gospel of Jesus Christ is used to silence victims and advocates? This is spiritual abuse. I think it would be worth taking a hard look at how reformed-ish circles use and misuse authority. This misuse is not across the b...

Far too often, it feels easier and safer to see only what we want to see. Fear of jeopardizing some overarching political, religious, financial or other ideology — or even just losing friends or status — leads to willful ignorance of what is right in front of our own eyes, in the shape and form of innocent and vulnerable children. Ask yourself: How much is a child worth? Yesterday, Rachael Denhollander wrote an Op-Ed for the New York Times . She has drawn a line in the sand regarding how organizations handle child abuse specifically, but this can apply to all forms of abuse. How will Christians and the church-at-large respond? She writes, "I lost my church" because of her advocacy. On the one hand, this is shocking. How could followers of Jesus do this to a sister-in-Christ? On the other hand, this is no surprise at all. Talk to survivors and advocates, and we can give you instances of being shut down and given the back hand of fellowship. But her words also give hope. Mayb...

It is only right and good to honor the strength and courage of Rachael Denhollander and her fellow survivors who disclosed all they suffered at the hands of Larry Nassar . He was sentenced to 175 years in prison, which sends a clear message of the heinous nature of his crimes. However, his is not the only reckoning. If you listen to the victim impact statements, there were repeated calls for Michigan State University and the US Gymnastics Association to be held accountable for their inaction and creating a climate where an abuser could have easy access to his victims. There have been calls for the resignation of the president of Michigan State University with resultant wagon circling. But as of last night, Lou Anna Simon resigned. I truly hope the church-at-large is taking notes because we don't have a spotless reputation when it comes to dealing with child abuse or abuse of any sort nor when it comes to standing with the victims. It would be hypocritical to applaud Nassar's...

I had gotten Dr. Langberg's book thinking it would arm me for my fight against domestic violence and help others. But I assumed I was further down the road in my survivorhood than I really was. I am still very much in the process of healing, and I needed to read this: Returning to relationship after the shattering of trauma starts with the person we tell our story to. When we speak, we are heard. We are heard by someone who seeks to understand and feel with us. We are no longer isolated and alone in our suffering. However, we must eventually choose whether we will love again, care again, reach for another human being again. Trauma took away choice. Surviving and then telling our story returns that to us. We must choose what we will do with humans. We can hide, hate, or run from them, but then the trauma still has mastery.  Every act of kindness, every act of helpfulness, every act of forgiveness, and every act of love defies the trauma... Perpetrators of violence destroy trust...

This morning, Tim Challies linked to an article at Christianity Today (CT) which looks at the results of a survey on whether divorce is a sin in particular situations. The two pools of participants were evangelical pastors and non-clergy Americans. When asked about divorce in the case of abuse, one-third of the Americans believed divorce was a sin in the case of abuse. By implication, the sin of divorce is the same or perhaps worse than the sin of abuse. Let that sink in for a moment. The CT article links to "Till Death Do Us Part", a series of articles in the Post and Courier on domestic violence in the state of South Carolina.  Sadly, SC has been among the top 10 for violence against women for the last 15 years. In their research, the reporters have found : Awash in guns, saddled with ineffective laws and lacking enough shelters for the battered, South Carolina is a state where the deck is stacked against women trapped in the cycle of abuse, a Post and Courier invest...

Clearly, different people can respond differently to the same messages and environment. One way to understand the differences in perceptions is to keep in mind that many victims of sexual abuse suffer from guilt and self-blame as common effects of sexual victimization. This is often due to the deliberate blame shifting strategies that perpetrators employ to ensure the victim’s silence. Having already internalized poisonous beliefs about their culpability and unworthiness, abuse victims are often particularly sensitive to sermon and classroom teachings that reinforce the condemnation and despondency they struggle with daily. As a result, many abuse victims are sensitized to perceive and remember victim blaming/perpetrator exonerating attitudes and teachings that individuals without such life experiences fail to note consciously.  In more concrete terms, abuse victims may be able to detect toxic victim blaming/perpetrator exonerating attitudes in highly diluted concentrations th...