Tried With Fire

I have been reading Unashamed by Heather Nelson with a group of women in the church. The last chapter we covered was on social shame. If you've never experienced it, please tell me, what is it like to not be socially awkward? For the rest of us, we know that sinking feeling of wondering how  and even if we fit in. Thoughts go through our heads such as - "I don't know what to say. I don't know who to talk to. Will I be accepted?" It's especially hard when it is a group where there should be strong sense of belonging such as the church. During our discussion, I threw out the question of whether men or women were more accepting of differences. There was no hesitation. The unanimous answer was "Men." Very interesting. I had suspected this as well, but I still wanted to understand the "why" behind it. So I started reading  Disunity in Christ . The author, Christena Cleveland, has a PhD in social psychology, so her book draws from research...

I'm at Out of the Ordinary today with a review of Unashamed: Shame: the feeling of "not good enough," acccording to our own standard or our perception of someone else's standard for us. It's what keeps us from being honest about our own struggles, sins, and less-than-perfect moments. Fear of shame drives us to perfectionism in all areas of our lives, so there would be no imperfection for others to notice and judge.  (pp. 57-58) The word "shame" conjures up many memories for me - all unpleasant: - Wondering if God could possibly forgive me again after committing the same sin yet again. - Being mocked for looking different or dressing out of style. - Being scolded for normal human failings like forgetting something or not making the wisest choice. But the ones that haunt me the most are where I have been the one doling out the shame, and I long to lay these feelings to rest once and for all. But where do I go for help and healing from the shame...

Unashamed is a very timely book that has convicted and comforted me. Lord willing, I will post a review at Out of the Ordinary tomorrow. In the meantime, perhaps you can relate to the following quote. I can. "Performance shame comes from trying to perform for the wrong audience - those around us. It comes from the lie that our work, success, and accomplishments are what we need to feel good about ourselves. Performance shame makes us think that our worth is tied to our performance, and when we are plagued by performance shame, everything becomes a performance. Underneath we are asking the questions, Am I loved? Have I done enough to belong? Do I have value apart from my contributions and work? ... The things we do to try to cover up our shame bring us more shame than before... Or we feel exposed that we have not been good enough to outweigh our sins before God. We increase our involvement at church or in our community showing up at every service project, and begin to look ...