Tried With Fire

I first shared this story in the light of the  Jian Ghomeshi  scandal back in 2014. Given recent events, it bears repeating. I am acquainted with both parties involved. Names have been changed and the story altered slightly for anonymity. Jane had been employed as an administrative assistant for several years. She was hard-working and aimed to do her best. The position for executive secretary to the Chief Executive Officer became available in the company where she was employed. Oddly enough, it was not uncommon for a new hire to not even last a month. One person resigned after a week. However, Jane applied. She was interviewed and then offered the job. What a great promotion! Jane was excited about her new position and looked forward to working for Mr. Smith. After a week or two, it became apparent why Jane's predecessors never stayed long in the job. She was expected to run errands for Mr. Smith and his family such as picking up dry cleaning and other busy work, non...

Why, when confronted with violence or abuse in a home, have we often placed the burden on the victim to justify her actions or somehow prove that she did not "make" him do it, rather than on the abuser to confess his sins and demonstrate change? We have frequently overemphasized the response of the abused to the exclusion of confronting the behavior of the abuser. Are we afraid he will turn his anger on us? Do we fear confrontation? Do we fear we will be accused of not holding the marriage covenant sacred? Do we really think protecting a home full of sin is keeping that sacred covenant? Do we fear standing with the oppressed?  Suffering and the Heart of God , Diane Langberg, New Growth Press, 2015, pg. 259. I have found that victims experience incredible relief, if not disbelief, when they hear me say, "If you are telling the truth, I will know it because I know what abuse is, how it thinks, and how it acts. And I will believe you, no matter who your abuser is or...

I had good intentions of posting more about domestic violence this month, but alas it was not to be. It's funny how the things we care about the most are often the most painful and emotionally exhausting to put into words. There were times when I stared at a blank screen and didn't know where to begin. How do you encapsulate an issue that touches theology, history, and culture? How do you write about something so personal and not dredge up memories and feelings that you'd rather consign to oblivion? I also wrote drafts that are probably too volatile to be published because they tipped a few sacred cows that we cling to as conservative Christians. It helped to get those thoughts out of my head, but I'm still frustrated at the huge blind spot that the evangelical church seems to have - a sort of hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil about domestic abuse within its walls. After much research, thinking, and praying, I am convinced that domestic violence is an imag...

These are the quotes I posted yesterday: Quote #1: The woman's desire is to control her husband, to usurp his divinely appointed headship, and he must master her, if he can.  Quote #2: It was woman's nature to be ruled by man and her sickness to envy him. I will begin with the second quote. While not directly from Sigmund Freud, this is Betty Friedan's summary of his view of women. Freud is known for diagnosing (or misdiagnosing) the neuroses of women down to one common ailment -  envy of male reproductive anatomy. He also believed, "Nature has determined woman's destiny through beauty, charm, and sweetness. Law and custom have much to give women that has surely been withheld from them, but the position of women will surely be what it is: to youth, an adored darling and in mature years, a loved wife." Therefore, any desire outside of these confines, any desire for equality with man was only a symptom of her biological inferiority manifesting itself in ...

Quote #1:  The woman's desire is to control her husband, to usurp his divinely appointed headship, and he must master her, if he can.  Quote #2:  It was woman's nature to be ruled by man and her sickness to envy him. I'll post the answers tomorrow. Hint: These statements are from two different people.  Photo credit: By Richtom80 (Image:Nuvola apps filetypes.png) [LGPL (http://www.gnu.org/licenses/lgpl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

[I posted this about a year ago and it's worth repeating. Dr. Diane Langberg is a practicing Christian psychologist who is also on the faculty of Westminster Theological Seminary. She has decades of counseling experience. She is also a strong voice in the Christian community speaking out against all forms of abuse. This talk is long but it's worth every minute. I hope you will watch and learn.] ht: A Cry for Justice The topic of this video is counseling victims of domestic abuse in a Christian setting. Dr. Langberg provides practical and informed counsel on this difficult issue which is quite different IMO from the idealistic and potentially harmful advice given in many marriage and women's books. Around the 51:00 mark, she makes an observation that people are upset when darkness is exposed particularly in a life they thought was good. Sadly the church often speaks out in horror - not about the sin but about the exposure.  May this not continue to be the case. F...

Domestic violence is an issue that deeply concerns me. I would like to be proven wrong, but this seems to be an area where the evangelical church has not risen to the challenge. "In fact, research has shown that Christian women stay far longer in the abusive context and in far more severe abuse than their non-Christian counterparts." 1 This should not be, especially among the people of God.  So what can we do to help? Well, we can begin by: 1. Acknowledging that abuse exists, not only out there but within the homes of professing Christians. If we remain in denial, there is no one to help because they don't exist, that is at least to us. If we continue to bury our heads in the sand, the victims in our congregations will continue to suffer in silence because they know they will not be believed. Helping begins by facing reality. 2. Understanding the nature of abuse. It is about POWER and CONTROL . It is not just the need for anger management. It is n...