Tried With Fire

I saw this tweet recently from Ray Chang - "If your definition of loyalty does not allow for honesty, you may be a tyrant." And I would also add, if the people you look up to don't allow for honest inquiry and disagreement, you may be following a tyrant. This shouldn't be the case, but emotional and spiritual abuse can happen in Christian circles. Here are some warning signs that I have gleaned from my own experience and from listening to others: 1. Grooming and love bombing tactics used to draw a person into a group or into a leader's personal orbit. 2. Group loyalty is paramount, and a strong need for acceptance into the inner ring  is encouraged and cultivated in this environment. Once you've been included or are on the verge of joining this select circle, you can't bear to be left out. So this leads to a willingness to ignore the signs of cognitive dissonance and to make excuses for doctrinal, ethical, and character red flags. It is very commo...

There has been some lively discussion in social media over the extent that headship and submission go beyond the home to opposite-gender interaction in general. For the record, I affirm male elders in the church. I believe Ephesians 5:22-33 still applies to marriage today. But I do not believe that the human race should be divided ontologically by gender into those who lead and those who follow. Being made in the image of God, which does include gender, is much more complex than that. I am also concerned that practices, which would fall under the heading of Christian liberty, are taught as principles, thus binding the consciences of believers. Therefore, I concur with the concerns of the folks at the Mortification of Spin. (Read the posts here:  Aimee #1 , Carl , Todd , Carl #2 , Aimee #2 ) I especially appreciate Aimee sticking her neck out and writing about this issue. I've had many concerns over the years, but I've been a chicken about expressing them. Maybe I haven't ...

I am reposting a review of Openness Unhindered by Rosaria Butterfield at Out of the Ordinary today. Read the post here. As providence would have it, the Mortification of Spin team has done a podcast on the book today with another one to follow in a few weeks. Listen  here .

The Mortification of Spin team interviewed Dr. Diane Langberg , a Christian psychologist who specializes in counseling victims of domestic violence. It's well worth the 28 minutes and 36 seconds. Of note, I wanted to highlight what Dr. Langberg said about believing the victim: You believe what you hear. It is very rare for people to do false accusations, and they seem to occur mostly in these really bitter, awful custody battles. But usually people want home to be nice. They don't want to stir up a mess. That's why they hide it... Again this does not mean that false allegations do not occur, but I have done this work for forty years and I have had two . Listen here … (Edited to correct quote.)

I'm guest blogging at Housewife Theologian today. The topic of last week's episode of Mortification of Spin  was emotional and verbal abuse in the Christian home. After listening to the podcast, I couldn't get Todd Pruitt's question out of my mind: What is the dynamic that would prevent her [the wife in an abusive marriage] from going to an elder or going to a pastor and saying, ‘Please, please help’? I started typing like crazy, trying to capture some of the reasons why a woman won't ask for help. This is the result. Many thanks to Aimee for sharing my post on her blog. I hope it will raise awareness of what may be going on behind the scenes. Also thanks to the Mortification of Spin team for tackling this troubling subject.