Tried With Fire

You've probably heard these exact words before. You might have even said it about a friend or sibling. But all it takes is a couple kids playing together. One grabs the other's toy or gets a little too close for personal space. A little pushing, a little shoving, A few snarky words are said. The volume rises, and then Mom or Dad asks what the problem is. The aggrieved response is: "He did it first!" Oftentimes the parent will tell the children that they need to work it out, not tattle on each other, and shake hands. The handshaking is all about timing because you don't want to be the first to make a move toward concession. So on cue, hands meet, apologies are mumbled, and the kids start playing again maybe a little awkwardly at first. We may be more sophisticated than a couple kids, but our relationships have their share of tension. We've also had many more years to build up our store of biases and opinions about the way things should be. We disagree. Wo...

I've been listening to I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't) by Brene Brown. She is known for her research in the dynamics of shame, and this book is specifically for women and shame. I don't know whether Brown is a Christian or not. She doesn't bring God explicitly into her writings at all. However, her work is very helpful because it names what many of us experience and also raises issues that may hinder us as individual Christians and/or communities. In the section on shame triggers, Brown writes of identity as being a primary trigger but from two aspects. The first is desired identity. I want or need to be this. I want people to see me as that. If not, I have not measured up to whatever this desired identity is, which brings shame. However the second aspect is where she grabbed my attention - unwanted identity . This is the case where we are given an identity that is not truly ours by others. Growing up as an Asian American in an era where there was inaccur...

It is hard to watch people I love going through times of suffering. It's especially hard when I haven't been through it myself, so I don't know what to say. In an effort to try to relate, I may search my experience database to see if there is any commonality, but even if that is the case, situations are so nuanced that it probably isn't wise to project my experience onto someone else. In an effort to break the silence, it's tempting to say "This reminds me of ..." which may not be helpful at all. But why is silence even a problem? Job's friends gave their best comfort when they sat quietly with him and mourned. Keeping their mouths shut would have saved him a lot of additional pain. But maybe what matters isn't about how closely I can relate or even give advice. When one member of the body suffers, we all suffer. Then isn't it enough to weep with those who weep because we love them even if we don't fully understand? A simple, "I don...

I smiled when I read this passage by Amos Yong  in Aliens in the Promised Land  (pg. 52 ) because I've had almost those exact thoughts cross my mind. My variation would be: "I wonder sometimes if being Asian in what for some is still a starkly black-and-white American South protects me to some degree. I also wonder if people will like me less if I begin to write and speak more intentionally about racism and racialization. Perhaps I am "safe" because I have blended in so well by talking and writing about matters that are acceptable for a reformed, Christian woman. Because...    If you discuss domestic violence, oppression of women, or misogyny, you might be labeled a feminist.    If you raise issues regarding poverty or race, people may begin to wonder if you are sliding down the slippery slope toward religious liberalism." My blog started out with personal accounts of life struggles and the dawning of the doctrines of grace on my heart, which I st...

I didn't bother following the election returns on social media last night and fully expected to wake up to a Clinton presidency. I am stunned. I voted for an independent candidate rather than casting an anti-vote, so I'm not quite sure how to process my feelings. However, I will say this: America has become even more polarized in the last 8 years, and I fear it is will continue to head in that trajectory. This election has also amplified the fact that American "Christianity" sees itself as political force. Hence all the big names making sure we knew how to vote if we were to be "good evangelicals." Unjust laws should be changed but laws can't change people's hearts. If we put all our eggs in a political/high court basket, we will be sadly disappointed. Things will only change when the church begins to address issues like race, misogyny, poverty, and the sanctity for all life down at the local level. Absolutely preach the gospel, but the gospel app...

To oppose one class perpetually to another - young against old, manual labour against brain-worker, rich against poor, woman against man - is to split the foundations of the State; and if the cleavage runs too deep, there remains no remedy but force and dictatorship. If you wish to preserve a free democracy, you must base it - not on classes and categories, for this will land you the totalitarian State, where no one may act or think except as the member of a category. You must base it upon the individual Tom, Dick and Harry, and the individual Jack and Jill - in fact, upon you and me. Dorothy L. Sayers from Are Women Human? pg. 36. I am not a very political person, but I will be voting in my first primary today because my conscience demands it. I feel like I am in the middle of a bad movie - a dystopian farce where an entire nation is adrift in the Bermuda Triangle. We've lost our common sense, integrity, and moral compass, and now we must choose between a crook, a communist, ...

Suffering has been the latest Sunday school topic at my church. The class has been very helpful and thought-provoking. It has probably been challenging for the teacher to try to condense this weighty subject because suffering touches on the sovereignty of God, the problem of evil, justice, and ethics to name a few. But the class has been the easy part. The hard part will be applying what I have learned. Also a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Just because I've read books or have been through a class on suffering doesn't necessarily mean I will be sensitive to others in their pain. As I've been mulling over this, here are some thoughts that come to mind: Don't lump a suffering in a single category. The sorrows of life in a fallen world are not the same as evil being perpetrated by sinful people. Don't put suffering on a scale and be the judge of who is suffering more or less. Be careful of an unbalanced view of God's sovereignty such that the categ...

I am getting old enough to remember the good ol' days. It's fun to reminisce about life before personal computers, the Internet and smartphones. I remember when gas was less than 30 cents a gallon, and you could buy two pieces of Bazooka bubblegum with a penny. But it's also easy to romanticize the past. When you're a child, there are many things that go over your head, so childhood memories, while personally meaningful, may not be the best with which to assess society as a whole. If you go back to the days before those nasty feminists and pot-smoking radicals, what about segregation? What about civil rights for minorities? What about laws that protect women from domestic violence and give them legal rights apart from their husbands? If you step further back, what about child labor? What about slavery? What about the upper class that was terrified of teaching the lower classes to read let alone write for fear they would rise about their restricted sphere in life? Wha...

I love the novel   Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell. In addition to the humor and the delightful characters, Gaskell provides insight into the British mindset of the mid-1800's. I also wonder if she has put on paper what many of us think: “Elegant economy!” How naturally one falls back into the phraseology of Cranford! There, economy was always “elegant,” and money-spending always “vulgar and ostentatious”; a sort of sour-grapeism which made us very peaceful and satisfied. I never shall forget the dismay felt when a certain Captain Brown came to live at Cranford, and openly spoke about his being poor—not in a whisper to an intimate friend, the doors and windows being previously closed, but in the public street! in a loud military voice! alleging his poverty as a reason for not taking a particular house. The ladies of Cranford were already rather moaning over the invasion of their territories by a man and a gentleman. He was a half-pay captain, and had obtained some situation o...

I sent my mom a card and I'll call her this evening to wish her a happy Mother's Day. But if I know her, she probably forgot that this was Mother's Day. My mom doesn't care about making a big deal of her birthday or anniversary either. She knows we love her. She treasures that we're one in Christ as well as by blood and that's what matters to her. As I've gotten older, I've become more like my mom in this respect. But there was a time when I would be hurt if there weren't cards or presents. I wanted and thought I needed that affirmation. But when things turned south for my marriage, when we were in the courtroom fighting over custody, those things didn't matter quite as much. When I came close to losing my daughter, sharing life with her in all its ordinariness became enough for me. Yes, cards and presents are nice, but I'll take her over them. I also realized that my worth as a person and a mom isn't based on any one's recognitio...

I am more of a pessimist by temperament. Worst case scenarios used to be my default setting. Some of them were quite outrageous and funny when seen in a rational light. However, I seem to be more prone to pessimism when I am tired, such as today. God has provided abundant grace, but there are some days when the cares of life and the unknown future loom very large. I know that God is in control and has ordained everything that takes place. I know that I should trust Him. I can look back and see how He has proven Himself again and again. But it's as though I am afraid to believe that things will improve circumstantially. It's almost easier for me to believe that things will get worse rather than better. I don't believe in the fairy tale "happy ending" anymore. Given the events of the last few years, I have a distinct aversion to personal fairy tales. Maybe I don't want to get my hopes up and have them be dashed again. But that raises the question as to the sourc...

This statement (among many) really bothered me in Robert Schuller's interview: "And I'll tell you what God thinks of you: if you were the only person that didn't have this wonderful relationship with him, why he would take his son and crucify him as your saviour." I was thinking about Schuller's statement because we've all heard, "If you were the only person on earth, Jesus would die for you because He loves you that much." On first hearing, it doesn't sound all that wrong to our 21st century self-esteem indoctrinated ears. Maybe what bugs me is that it is only half of the truth. Maybe the whole truth is "If you were the only person on earth, your sin would still need to be atoned before a holy God. Yes, God loves you but He is still just and holy. Yes, the cross is a demonstration of the love of God , but it is also a demonstration of His holiness and how much He hates sin." Just thinking out loud. In writing.

I was not picked to sit on the jury to my great relief. However, it was a very eye opening experience to be summoned for federal court. It's sobering to think of a person's fate resting in your hands. It was a criminal case. Therefore, the verdict rested entirely on the jury of peers. The decision needed to be unanimous as well. Once we were free to go, I began to wonder how would I have been as a juror? But my thoughts began to take a more theological turn. Namely, how am I when it comes to the internal verdicts I make everyday about situations and particularly people? Today the judge charged the jury to make their decision based on evidence alone , not on personal history or bias. So I ask myself, on what basis do I mentally weigh my brothers and sisters and unbelievers as well? Is my basis the Word of God or my own personal history, bias, or preference? Am I willing to hold myself to the same scrutiny and severity that I would apply to others? Am I quick to render a verdict...

I am relatively new to the Doctrines of Grace so I am pondering these in relation to things I had previously held to be true. In the last several months, I have become more aware that my view of God often makes Him smaller than He really is which is also demeaning to the character of God. The idea that God is totally sovereign and reigning over everything would be something that I would certainly not deny. But when the rubber meets the road, do I really believe that or do I believe that somehow He is not fully in control and that sinful man (myself or others) and the devil can thwart Him? I can say that I believe God is in control but my actions and attitudes may contradict that. What hinges on this is - if God is fully in control then everything that comes into my life whether good or bad is from His hand and according to His purpose and ultimately for my good. Conversely, if somehow He is not fully in control, then there may be things that come into my life that are the result of sin...