Tried With Fire

I don't like unexpected change especially when the future outcome is unknown, and I was hit with a possible big change last week. As I wait, fear is trying to rise up even as I struggle to fight back. And it's not just fear of the final result. It's a fear that is directly related to my present actions. It's trying to sow doubts like - Are you praying enough? Are you doing enough? Should you be doing more? Are you doing too much? What if you make a wrong decision? What if the outcome hinges on that decision? Will you miss out on God's will? Can you really trust him to see you through this time? This fear tries to remove God from the picture or at least minimize his active role as much as possible. Its intent is to make me feel alone like a lab rat in a maze. No maps or external help allowed. It's all up to me to navigate my way, which would be terrifying if it was true. But there's an added twist. Depending on which path I take, I could miss the grand p...

I am currently in an anxious frame of mind. I'm probably fearing what will not come to pass, but it's still a struggle. It doesn't help that a potential change in my life is dredging up feelings from the past. I'm a very different person in a very different situation from then, but anxiety is a gut response. This visceral reaction kicks in even though my rational, cognitive brain is telling me otherwise.  I happened upon this sermon by my favorite dead theologian, Charles Spurgeon, which address the root of my fear - that I am alone in my struggles with no one to look after me. Therefore, it's all up to me. I must be my own deliverer and helper. I know objectively this isn't true, but it needs to permeate the rest of me.  So this will be today's meditation. I'm also trusting that even "getting it" isn't all up to me either.  &&&&& Walking by sight is just this—“I believe in myself.” Whereas walking by faith i...

"And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?" —Mark 4:37-40. Many of God's children get on very well so long as they have no trials. They follow Christ very tolerably in the time of fair weather. They fancy they are trusting him entirely. They flatter themselves they have cast every care on him. They obtain the reputation of being very good Christians. But suddenly some unlooked for trial assails them. Their property makes itself wings, and flies away. Their own health fails. Death comes up into their house. Tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word. And where now is ...

For most of my life, I was plagued with sinful fear. On paper I would say that God was all powerful. But in my mind, that power could only extend to the point where it came in contact with the free will of man or the plans of the devil. This mind-set is used to bail out God when it comes to the problem of evil, but it's cold comfort at best, particularly when you think you are at the mercy of man - not God. Now that I'm on this side of the doctrines of grace, sinful fear still rears its ugly head. The underlying sin of unbelief is hard to stamp out because all it takes is one little thought, "Has God said?".  However, I intend to fight it by God's grace one thought at a time. Here is encouragement on this subject from the pen of one of my favorite Puritans. I hope to post more from this book in the days ahead. [W]e are ignorant of God. We do not know (or, at least, we do not fully consider) His almighty power, vigilant care; unspotted faithfulness, and how th...

Yesterday Pastor Ryan spoke from Titus 1:1-4 .  In these introductory verses, Paul declares that his master is God, his message is Christ, his mission is the church.  Paul was able to spend his life for the churches because of the hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began . "God, who never lies" is literally in the Greek "the unlying God." As someone who is prone to fear, this went straight to my heart.  The pastor went on to say that very often we look for something to calm our fears, but we don't need to look any further than the character of God Himself.  How often I am scrambling for something to make those feelings go away.  How often I read a scripture that states that God is trustworthy, but in the back of my mind there is a lingering doubt.  I may think in false humility, "Is it true for me? ", but in reality I am doubting whether God will keep His word.  I am suspecting Him of saying something and then ...

I highly recommend Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung. It's a short book that packs a big punch. Also as someone who has had a wrong view of the will of God for most of my life, this book clears up a lot of things. I didn't realize how confused I was/am until reading this book. It has been a breath of fresh air cutting through the mystical ideas of the will of God that I used to hold. Part of my confusion may be due to being taught that the entire history of mankind since the fall is Plan B. Therefore, God doesn't appear to have very good control over His creation since He has been trying to salvage things since the Garden. In fact, the will of God becomes a very tenuous thing because there is absolutely no security that His will will happen since man and the devil seem to be awfully good at derailing it. Also, if human history is Plan B, what plan am I in? Given all the wrong choices that I could have made, I could be in the third, fourth, or fifth derivative of Plan...

We watched a video by David Powlison in Sunday School. He spoke on how we respond to those things which are outside our control and what those responses reveal about our hearts. A typical scenario of this is a traffic jam which is totally outside of our control. He gave three scenarios where you are on your way to an important meeting. To make it worse, your cell phone has just died or is between zones so there is no way to communicate with the person waiting for you. Scenario 1. What if I'm on my way to the doctor? I've just found out that I have cancer. The doctor has rearranged his schedule to meet me . I'm stuck and I'm standing him up. As I'm sitting in traffic, I imagine my entire funeral scene. Why? The logic is that because I missed the doctor's appointment, I will have missed out on some treatment, advice, etc. and therefore I will die. Scenario 2. What if I'm on the way to an important sales meeting that will make or break my finances? Scenario 3....