My Personal Traffic Jam

We watched a video by David Powlison in Sunday School. He spoke on how we respond to those things which are outside our control and what those responses reveal about our hearts.

A typical scenario of this is a traffic jam which is totally outside of our control. He gave three scenarios where you are on your way to an important meeting. To make it worse, your cell phone has just died or is between zones so there is no way to communicate with the person waiting for you.

Scenario 1. What if I'm on my way to the doctor? I've just found out that I have cancer. The doctor has rearranged his schedule to meet me . I'm stuck and I'm standing him up. As I'm sitting in traffic, I imagine my entire funeral scene. Why? The logic is that because I missed the doctor's appointment, I will have missed out on some treatment, advice, etc. and therefore I will die.

Scenario 2. What if I'm on the way to an important sales meeting that will make or break my finances?

Scenario 3. What if I'm meeting a friend who has misunderstood me and has been hurt by me? He/she will think that I have stood him/her up again.

Scenario 1 is my default. Do you remember "The Fearmonger's Shop: Serving All Your Phobia Needs Since 1953" from the Prairie Home Companion? Well, I could open up my own well-stocked franchise.

This was also very timely. Last Thursday when I posted my panic button, I imagined a worst case scenario. Something had happened and my mind immediately manufactured this bizarre scenario that would likely never take place. But regardless of its absurdity, it reveals the unbelief in my heart. Even if I was right and my imagination became true, it still does not negate the fact that God is sovereign in His rule and His providence.

David Powlison went to the root of that response - anxiety, fear, and unbelief. My gut response reveals "God is not in control. He is not here and suddenly, it is up to me to be in control of my life." Unbelief in God will lead to fear because I don't know anything more fearful than suddenly feeling like it is all up to me. He went on to say that the way out of this vicious cycle is to seek God in repentance and faith.

I was encouraged and challenged by this. It helps me to have the sin identified and revealed for what it is. It helps to know that this is an ongoing fight of faith. I highly doubt that I will have a one time experience of victory that will free me of this for the rest of my life. No, it is a daily mortifying of this sin.

I confessed this sin to a friend last Friday over lunch. She asked me what is in my arsenal when fear and unbelief rear their ugly heads. This was a good way to put it because I am at war against the sin that is still in me.

As I thought about it, my first response needs to be repentance and asking forgiveness for my sin - not just an "oops" or "well this is just the way I am". No, it's sin. When guilt would want to overcome me for failing, I need to stand in the truth that my standing before God is not that I have performed well but that Christ is my standing. After that, I need to declare the truth to myself from scripture of God's absolute control and rule over all things, the truth of His goodness in all circumstances, and the truth that I can trust Him completely. So like a soldier checks his weapons to make sure they are battle ready, I want to have my own arsenal ready for the fight.