Tried With Fire

If you wandered around the blogsphere recently, you've seen the critical posts and counterposts about the purity movement. To be clear, I believe the Bible commands believers to flee sexual immorality. At the same time, I believe that the sin of sexual immorality is not beyond the reach of gospel. However, as I pull out my worm-can opener, I think many of the criticisms are valid. Granted the purity movement is varied, but from what I have seen and read, there's too much emphasis on "doing it right" and very little gospel grace. Shame as a tactic to promote desired behavior is nothing short of legalism. I've seen people crushed under self-condemnation because they failed to live up to every jot and tittle and perceived themselves as "damaged" good. I've known others who have followed the prescription and expected heaven-on-earth only to be shocked when picture perfect courtship does not guarantee happily-ever-after. As my daughter and I were dis...

~ Picking up where I left off yesterday in my review of Sex, Dating and Relationships (SDR)... Hiestand and Thomas spend several chapters discussing the current dating paradigm. They argue that the Christian subculture, not the Bible, has invented this new category, the Dating Relationship , in addition to those of Family, Neighbor, and Marriage. There is no ambiguity in Scriptures regarding purity for the previous three. But there is potential for great confusion: for when we invent our own category of male-female relationships, we are forced to invent our own purity guidelines for that category. But inventing our own moral guidelines has never gone well for humanity (think of what happened when Adam and Eve tried it, in Genesis 3, for example). 1 In addition, they discuss several pitfalls of the dating relationship including: ~ A false sense of security and commitment - "In the end, the commitment of a dating relationship is simply the commitment to inform the othe...

I started reading  Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach   (SDR) by Gerald Hiestand and Jay Thomas on the strength of Kevin DeYoung's reference in Hole in Our Holiness . I was not disappointed. Finally! A book on courtship/dating and relationships that is rooted in the gospel. The authors wrote this book out of concern for the confused views of purity among believers. One attitude can be, "As long as I don't have sex before marriage, I can decide for myself what the boundaries are because the Bible doesn't specify them." On the opposite end of the spectrum are lists of do's and don'ts, heavy on moralistic legalism but short on gospel.  Hiestand and Thomas believe there is a better, biblical, God-glorifying way than either of those camps. In SDR, they begin with what the Bible clearly states: Marriage and the one-flesh union point to a greater reality - Christ's union with His church. This is no less than a picture of the gospel. It i...

I've been listening to a great talk from the 2012 Shepherds' Conference : Help! I Can't Find Dating in My Bible - How to guide singles through the fog of romantic relationship by Austin Duncan, pastor of college ministry at Grace Community Church. Although the conference and this talk is geared toward pastors, I've found it very helpful as a parent of a teen. Pastor Duncan concentrated on the bigger picture rather than focusing on the how-to's of dating or courtship,. (In fact, he deliberately steered clear of defining those terms.) A large section of his talk was devoted to distinguishing between principles and practice. There are Biblical principles - purity, purpose, and the people involved. These principles don't change regardless of the time in which we live or the place where we live, but how they are implemented may be different. As an example, the command for a husband to love his wife is non-negotiable, but the practice of this command is not uniform...

Paul Tripp - On how he's changed through marriage from Crossway on Vimeo . ht: Take Your Vitamin Z via Thirsty Theologian I wished I had heard these tough words when I was young. But even if I had, would I have believed it? Maybe but probably not because of my faulty views regarding the depravity of mankind and the necessary and often painful process of progressive sanctification. This leads me to wonder if most of my wrong ideas about myself and relationships can be traced back to a wrong understanding of the gospel. But when you think about it, if we get the gospel wrong, we get everything wrong.

A few years ago, I borrowed a book on courtship.  I don't like criticizing something that tries to be well meaning, but the more I read, the greater my concerns over the attitudes in the book.  The author drives home the point on impurity (extent not specified) by comparing a person to used goods. Basically the argument is, "You've already been used.  Who would want that?" Therefore, stay pure or else. This was so not the gospel that I had my Matt Chandler moment . Inside I was yelling, "Jesus wants the rose!" and nearly chucked the book across the room, but didn't since it was borrowed. I whole-heartedly agree with fleeing youthful lusts and abstaining from sexual immorality, but this can easily turn into phariseeism.  We can become proud and complacent because we're doing it right .  Also how different is this from the prosperity gospel when the simplistic logic is: stay pure = happy Christian marriage, impurity = divorce or difficult marriage...

UPDATE:  Here's the  followup article  from World.  I like how they stress the importance of the local church as a necessary source of help and counsel on this issue. Has anyone read the World magazine article, Boy Meets Girl ? As a mom of a teen girl, the topics of dating, courtship, and marriage have been the subjects of some very healthy conversations. I do not advocate casual dating that's "I find you attractive with no more thought than the moment, so let's get involved, potentially physically, and put ourselves in the way of sexual temptation."  Neither do I endorse "Everyone else is dating, so I should do it or else I will look like a complete loser." Yet reading the article, it seems that the courtship model has it's own drawbacks particularly the pressure of all or nothing -- going from being completely uninvolved to being virtually engaged.  It makes me wonder how much of this paradigm is based on the myth of The One ? Since  I K...