Tried With Fire

In Unfollow , when Megan Phelps-Roper and her sister, Grace, left the Westboro Baptist Church and, by extension, their family, one of their struggles was with their relationship. They loved and supported one another, but they never learned how to disagree. In most families, kids learn to compromise and work things out, but not so in their family. Total agreement was expected. "We had never learned to "agree to disagree ," because to church members, such a concept was blasphemous. Can two walk together, except they be agreed? What communion hath light with darkness?"  At Westboro,  every decision had moral implications. Every question had a single correct answer. Miscommunication required blame, and mistakes required punishment. My sister and I knew how to cajole, issue ultimatums, attribute ill motives, and assign moral failure to the other party in a dispute, but we couldn't compromise and we couldn't move forward without a resolution as to which one of...

I have been nearsighted for most of my life. In fact, I can't even remember what it is like to wake up in the morning, open my eyes, and see anything in focus. Because of this condition, I wear glasses to correct my vision. In Forbearance: A Theological Ethic for a Disagreeable Church, James Calvin Davis writes about other kinds of myopia, ways in which our view of ourselves, others, and the world are out of focus. Informational: Our brains and memories are limited. Our exposure to the world around is limited as well thus limiting our knowledge. Consequently "there is a limit to what any one person can know." But this isn't only just true for individuals. It "can also be true of communities especially monolithic ones." Temporal: We live in a particular time and culture and are products of those temporal boundaries. Therefore, "we often fail to appreciate the effect that historical location (including our own) has on a person's understanding...

You've probably heard these exact words before. You might have even said it about a friend or sibling. But all it takes is a couple kids playing together. One grabs the other's toy or gets a little too close for personal space. A little pushing, a little shoving, A few snarky words are said. The volume rises, and then Mom or Dad asks what the problem is. The aggrieved response is: "He did it first!" Oftentimes the parent will tell the children that they need to work it out, not tattle on each other, and shake hands. The handshaking is all about timing because you don't want to be the first to make a move toward concession. So on cue, hands meet, apologies are mumbled, and the kids start playing again maybe a little awkwardly at first. We may be more sophisticated than a couple kids, but our relationships have their share of tension. We've also had many more years to build up our store of biases and opinions about the way things should be. We disagree. Wo...

During the Theology Conference Q&A , Dr. Murray stated: At the core of all empathy and sympathy is humility, that you have something to learn from someone else... The first thing you want to do is just listen. I don't know about you, but this is the opposite of what I have done, which brought back memories for my daughter and me. I was not always the best listener nor the best learner when it came to helping her through some of her struggles. There are moments when she still feels sad over this, and I have more than my share of regrets as well. Thankfully this sadness does not mean that we have we have not reconciled nor forgiven one another. The sadness does not mean that our relationship isn't stronger and healthier, which it is by God's grace. But hurts take time to heal, and grief is part of that process. I don't whether it is just me or in the larger Christian culture, but it's hard dealing with sadness. It's a normal response to want someone to fe...

" I'm glad I'm a nobody because I'm less likely to be tempted by something I know I will never have." This was a statement from my daughter while we were discussing celebrity culture in the church and recent events in evangelicalism. I think she's right. The lure of visibility and popularity is so strong. Plus it's easier to gain notice nowadays with thousands being reached by the click of a mouse. But with success comes potential grave danger. We're all prone to pride and/or idolatry, which fuels this fire. The celebrity begins to feel that he is above any criticism or correction because numbers become the proof, not fidelity to the word of God. This is exacerbated by the fan base. Their hero or heroine may become infallible in their eyes, though they would be hard pressed to admit it. Therefore, any valid criticism will be received with a deaf ear, because deep down its a reflection on their own spirituality. Thank God, Jesus said that He will ...