In Unfollow, when Megan Phelps-Roper and her sister, Grace, left the Westboro Baptist Church and, by extension, their family, one of their struggles was with their relationship. They loved and supported one another, but they never learned how to disagree. In most families, kids learn to compromise and work things out, but not so in their family. Total agreement was expected.
"We had never learned to "agree to disagree ," because to church members, such a concept was blasphemous. Can two walk together, except they be agreed? What communion hath light with darkness?" At Westboro, every decision had moral implications. Every question had a single correct answer. Miscommunication required blame, and mistakes required punishment. My sister and I knew how to cajole, issue ultimatums, attribute ill motives, and assign moral failure to the other party in a dispute, but we couldn't compromise and we couldn't move forward without a resolution as to which one of us was wrong. Without an absolute authority who could resolve the problem and declare one side just and righteous, we floundered."
I think those scriptures in the above quote were taken out of context when applied to every single decision especially those with no moral value. Making non-moral judgments moral is a heavy load to bear. Learning to agree to disagree also takes into account our inability to know all there is. But when disagreement is not allowed, the one laying down the law assumes he/she has nothing to learn. Perhaps one reason why we want people to agree with us is that we don't want to be wrong, so the more people I can get on "my side," it reinforces not only my position but me as well. There's no humility in demanding conformity, only pride.
Even where first order doctrines are concerned, no one was ever bullied into believing or coerced into orthodoxy. While we cannot compromise on those first order doctrines, we can do so with a humble spirit because we still see through a glass darkly. The fact that we have any grasp of the truth at all is a gift from God.
Updated 12:14 to correct the quote "My sister and I knew how to..."
I think those scriptures in the above quote were taken out of context when applied to every single decision especially those with no moral value. Making non-moral judgments moral is a heavy load to bear. Learning to agree to disagree also takes into account our inability to know all there is. But when disagreement is not allowed, the one laying down the law assumes he/she has nothing to learn. Perhaps one reason why we want people to agree with us is that we don't want to be wrong, so the more people I can get on "my side," it reinforces not only my position but me as well. There's no humility in demanding conformity, only pride.
Even where first order doctrines are concerned, no one was ever bullied into believing or coerced into orthodoxy. While we cannot compromise on those first order doctrines, we can do so with a humble spirit because we still see through a glass darkly. The fact that we have any grasp of the truth at all is a gift from God.
Updated 12:14 to correct the quote "My sister and I knew how to..."
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