Tried With Fire

Mother: I've never grown old before. Daughter: None of us have. Mother: Is there a book that I can read that can help me know what to do? Daughter: There may be, but what works for one person may not work for everyone. So we have to trust God. When my sister related this conversation she had with our mom, I had to smile. This is Mom and her methodology to a T. Do the research, learn the rules, then do it right. This showed in her organization, efficiency, and thinking through and planning for everything to the smallest detail. This is how she functioned until the fall in the form of dementia began to manifest. Thus every glimpse that it is still Mom and not the disease is encouraging, But the details are much more elusive now. My mom compensates by jotting down lists on scraps of paper to help her remember what to do. I've come across those lists, and I marvel at her efforts. I also weep a little because, barring a miracle, I don't think she will get her memory bac...

I'm posting at Out of the Ordinary today: When you have loved ones who are aging and declining, it's hard to avoid facing death, and it is sobering. For some reason, the phrase "Death is the great equalizer" came to mind the other night, so I googled it. References to Shakespeare came up, but the Bible describes this far better than any literature could. "The wages of sin is death"  This statement certainly encompasses us all no matter our station in life, bank account, or IQ score. In Adam all die, and none of us are exempt. But the verse doesn't end there, thank God. Read the rest here .

I'm sharing a post at Out of the Ordinary today, a modified version of one I wrote earlier this month on this blog. When I was looking for a picture to add to the post, I found the one above at Wikimedia Commons. The photographer named it "The door that opens when you get older." That seemed very fitting. Life becomes harder and more complicated when you grow old. I'm not all the way there yet, but my parents are. We moved my mom into memory care a couple months ago, and I will be heading back in a few weeks to move my dad into assisted living. The packing and physical move were the easy part. The hard part is the emotional and mental adjustment to living in a new place, which is difficult for anyone let alone for someone with Alzheimer's or frail health. I'm thankful for my parents and how God has kept them, but I also want to use this situation to learn  now  before it becomes harder to do so. On the drive home, I shared with my daughter some lessons I ...

Life becomes harder and more complicated when you grow older. I'm not there yet, but my parents are. I've just come home from helping move my mom into memory care, and I will be heading back to help move my dad into assisted living. The packing and physical move were the easy part. The hard part is the emotional and mental adjustment to living in a new place, which is difficult for anyone let alone for someone with Alzheimer's. It's also hard to watch and try to help from afar; the lion's share is on my sister and brother-in-law. I'm thankful for my parents and how God has kept them. I also want to use this situation to learn and adjust now before it will become harder to do so. On the drive home, I shared with my daughter the lessons I want to learn, so here they are. Maybe they will help you too. 1. Don't wait to declutter. The saying goes, "You can't take it with you," and maybe my daughter won't want to take it with her either. Ask ...

Even to your old age I am He; and even to gray hairs will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you. Isaiah 46:4. An old man is not anxious about many things, as we are, for he has not so many things for which to concern him. He has not the cares of starting in business, as he once had. He has no children to launch out in business. He has not to cast his anxious eyes on his little family. But his concern has somewhat increased in another direction. He has more concern about his bodily frame than he once had. He cannot now run as he used to do. And he must walk with a more sober gait. He fears, every now and then, that the pitcher will be “broken at the cistern,” for “the noise of the grinders is low.” He has, no longer, that strength of desire he once possessed—his body has begun to totter, to shake and to quiver. The old tenement has stood these 50 years and who expects a house to last forever? A bit of mortar has gone off from one place an...

I was away last week helping my sister with elder care issues. She and my brother-in-law deserve medals for all they do for my parents because it isn't easy. The next step will be moving them from independent living to memory care for my mom and assisted living for my dad. Tackling practical stuff will be hard work, but I think it is harder seeing the decline even over the last few months. When I say goodbye, I can't help but wonder if I will see them again in this life because anything can happen. When I came back, I read this post at A Cry for Justice . This is a survivor's story, and it cut me to the heart because this line could have been my own: I didn’t tell you all these things because I was a good little Christian girl who doesn’t make waves and still thought I had to protect my abuser in some way. To compound this, I picked up a pamphlet among my dad's many books that we were trying to cull. Being a glutton for punishment, I read it when I should have b...

I'm posting at Out of the Ordinary today. "This was also the first time I said goodbye to my parents wondering how many more times I would be able to see them in this life., and it hit me hard. As we were driving home, I grieved for my parents. Dementia is so cruel because it robs a person from the inside out, and it inflicts such loss, not just on the sufferer but on the surrounding family too. But as I was praying, I asked myself - is this life and its eventual deterioration all my parents have to look forward to? And as I asked the Lord to comfort us, the first question of the Heidelberg Catechism came to mind: What is your only comfort in life and in death?" Read the rest here .

There have been so many advances in public health and medicine that we live longer and healthier lives. While this is a wonderful blessing from God, have we forgotten that we are mortal? Do we believe that we will always be as healthy as we were in our prime with no diminution of mind or physical strength because conventional medicine (or alternative therapies) can provide a cure for everything? As a result of this, have we lost the ability to walk alongside loved ones who face aging and dying? These are questions raised in Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. The author is a Harvard-trained surgeon who is on the faculty of Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, so he knows of what he speaks. In his career as a physician, he has noticed the lack in the medical profession and even in society-at-large of helping people who face illness, disability, and death. These issues are treated solely as medical problems so the soul-care (my word) is absent when hard decisions need to be made. F...

I am posting at Out of the Ordinary today with a slightly modified repost from this blog from 2009, in which I was contemplating growing older. When the world still tells you to try to turn back the clock as much as humanly possible, it never hurts to remember that Proverbs says Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised and Gray hair is a crown of glory . Read the post here .

It's my turn at Out of the Ordinary : Curmudgeon : a person (especially an old man) who is easily annoyed or angered and who often complains. If you are familiar with Twitter, one of my favorite accounts is the  Church Curmudgeon.   He is the quintessential grumpy old man, able to blend wit and complaint in 140 characters or less. As a parody, the Church Curmudgeon is very funny, but if this was real life? I think the humor would be quickly lost. As I contemplate growing older, I often wonder, what will I be like in 20 or 30 years should the Lord tarry and He allows me to live that long? How will I respond to changes down the road? When they come to take my car keys away? When I have to turn my checkbook over to my daughter because I forget to pay the bills? When I can no longer live on my own? These are ordinary activities that I've taken for granted for decades, but when they are gone, I suspect it will hit hard. "I used to be able to do XYZ, and now it seems ...

It's my turn at Out of the Ordinary  today: One of the inescapable facts of growing older is that my parents have grown older, too. In my mind's eye, I picture them frozen in time in their prime, but the clock hasn't stopped ticking. Thus my mental image doesn't quite match reality like it used to. When I left home for college, my parents would check up on me during our many phone conversations. "Are you eating enough? Are you getting enough protein? Make sure you get enough sleep and don't work too hard. Be careful driving." Now it's my turn. "How are you feeling? How are you sleeping? Are you eating enough? Have you seen the doctor? Are you taking your meds? Perhaps someone can give you a ride instead." This is uncharted territory now that the roles seem to be slowly reversing, and it's a little scary. Read the rest of the post here .

I'm posting at Out of the Ordinary today: When reading Titus 2:3-4 , it's easy to assume that "younger" only refers to single women, new wives, and young moms in the 20 to 40 age bracket. But we middle-agers still have much to learn and need the example of older women, too. As I considered who were the older women in my life, these three sisters came to mind. So let me introduce you to my role models... Read more here .

Here's another gem from George Whitefield. Although he refers to a man, this should encourage us increasingly grey-headed women. Oh, what a dismal sight it is to see an old man with his hoary head grown grey, in sin and hardened in iniquity. On the other hand, I believe, to all that consider rightly, there is no grander sight almost under the sun than to see an old grey-headed man keeping up a consistent character; and proving, by his conduct, that his path, like that of the just, is as the shining light, that shines more and more to the perfect day... George Whitefield Daily Readings , Randall J. Pederson, ed., Christian Focus Publications, 2010, from the reading for February 3.

The Golden Years: Healthy Aging & the Older Adult by Christopher W. Bogosh, Good Samaritan Books, 2013, 136 pages. The Golden Years is a very practical book that tackles a topic many of us avoid -  aging. Author, Christopher Bogosh, draws from his experience as a nurse and a minister to offer counsel on growing old for the glory of God. He discusses the aging process, tips for healthy living, managing one's health care, and common and chronic health problems. In the section on health care management, Bogosh covers the importance of making decisions about future medical care prior to any emergency. As Christians, we know that death is not the end nor is it to be fear. At the same time, we also believe in the sanctity of life. Hence we need wisdom to consider advance medical directives and such in a God-glorifying manner. The book also discusses financial and insurance issues specific to the elderly living in the United States. I wonder if the author w...

As I embark on another decade, I think about growing older. It's funny to know I am theoretically old enough to be the mother of every adult in my small group. I realize I'm not young any longer, but I don't "feel" old either. I remember life before the Internet and wireless technology. I remember rotary phones, black and white TV, 45 records, and reel to reel. When the Commodore 64 was a smoking computer and a CP/M multi-user machine meant 2 people could work at a crawl provided you had a fan blowing at the CPU. Those were the days when there were no bike helmets, car seats, and over paranoid government regulations. I remember my parents remarking how expensive gas was when it rose over 30 cents a gallon. I'm more aware of the different mental outlook between my generation and those younger. I remember life before the feminist movement where practically all my schoolmates' moms stayed at home, before the era of pyscho-babble therapy, self esteem, poli...

I wrote a post awhile ago on growing older but more thoughts sprang to mind as I was waiting for the verdict on my car on Friday.  One of the downsides of having to wait for your vehicle is the TV in the waiting room.  I normally don't watch TV, so enduring Regis and the other perky morning show hosts seemed like a waste of neural energy.  I did my best to not pay attention to the tube,  but I couldn't help but notice the makeover segment being shown. The victim was an attractive grandmother.  Her hair was snow white in a flattering short cut.  She wore stylish glasses. Her clothing reminded me of Land's End.  All in all, she looked fine the way she was.  But when the hip, celebrity makeover artist was done, you wouldn't recognize the woman.  Her hair was dyed reddish brown, tousled and spiked.  They must have given her contacts because the glasses were gone.  She was dressed in a very low-cut, sleeveless wrap dress in an animal pri...

"But Mr. Weston is almost an old man . Mr. Weston must be between forty and fifty ." from Emma by Jane Austen, chapter 4. As the year is drawing to a close, I have been thinking about growing older, because I turned 48 this year. In Jane Austen's time, 40-50 years was the average life span, and she only lived to 42. Therefore, the above comment may not be as harsh as we would think. But today, 50 is not old given our 21st century life expectancy. In fact, I have heard some people refer to it as the new 30. So if 50 is the new 30, I'm still in my theoretical 20's. Then why am I still sometimes reluctant to admit my age? Conversely, why am I flattered on the rare times I get carded at the grocery store? Maybe our culture encourages our infatuation with youth. Media has inundated us with the myth/lie which says "youth + beauty = happiness" or at least a reasonable fac simile. It's also interesting to note that the standard is different for women than ...

Is someone trying to tell me something? It was the same cashier, too.

I went to the grocery store today. This is what I found on the receipt when I got home.

I've been thinking about the phrase "Young, restless, reformed." I'm sure no age discrimination is intended at all, but what about those of us who aren't so young, not so restless, and have recently embraced reformed (aka Biblical) theology? Here are a few suggestions: MHER - Middle-aged, high energy, reformed MRAR - Middle-aged, reasonably active, reformed MSSR - Middle-aged, slightly sedentary, reformed MPCSR - Middle-aged, pry off couch with spatula, reformed MNQRTR - Middle-aged, not quite ready for the taxidermist, reformed Unfortunately, the acronyms sound like new strains of antibiotic resistant bacteria. (Yoda may still be spry, but they must not have taught spelling on Dagobah.)