Believe her

Why, when confronted with violence or abuse in a home, have we often placed the burden on the victim to justify her actions or somehow prove that she did not "make" him do it, rather than on the abuser to confess his sins and demonstrate change? We have frequently overemphasized the response of the abused to the exclusion of confronting the behavior of the abuser. Are we afraid he will turn his anger on us? Do we fear confrontation? Do we fear we will be accused of not holding the marriage covenant sacred? Do we really think protecting a home full of sin is keeping that sacred covenant? Do we fear standing with the oppressed? 

Suffering and the Heart of God, Diane Langberg, New Growth Press, 2015, pg. 259.

I have found that victims experience incredible relief, if not disbelief, when they hear me say, "If you are telling the truth, I will know it because I know what abuse is, how it thinks, and how it acts. And I will believe you, no matter who your abuser is or what kind of facade he is wearing." This is the one thing that victims have told me was of the greatest help to them initially. It is not surprising since most of them have been disregarded many times before they come to us. Believe her. Pastors, let your congregations know that you will believe victims who come to you. This is not going to open up a landslide of false accusations!

A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church, Jeff Crippen, Anna Wood, Calvary Press Publishing, 2012, pg. 211.

Are you willing [to] listen to her story with compassion and listen again and yet again as she tries to make sense of what has happened to her and tells you new pieces to add to the puzzle? Are you willing to be uncomfortable as you listen, realizing that what you hear may take you far, far outside of what you thought was possible in the realm of the church? Are you willing to listen without giving pat answers or platitudes? ...

Don't be afraid to take sides. You must take a side! Take the side of righteousness. Take the side of justice. Take the side that Christ would take. Stand with the victim.

Unholy Charade: Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church, Jeff Crippen with Rebecca Davis, Justice Keepers Publishing, 2015, pp. 176-177, 179.