In the Christian home?

[I posted this about a year ago and it's worth repeating. Dr. Diane Langberg is a practicing Christian psychologist who is also on the faculty of Westminster Theological Seminary. She has decades of counseling experience. She is also a strong voice in the Christian community speaking out against all forms of abuse. This talk is long but it's worth every minute. I hope you will watch and learn.]

ht: A Cry for Justice

The topic of this video is counseling victims of domestic abuse in a Christian setting. Dr. Langberg provides practical and informed counsel on this difficult issue which is quite different IMO from the idealistic and potentially harmful advice given in many marriage and women's books.

Around the 51:00 mark, she makes an observation that people are upset when darkness is exposed particularly in a life they thought was good. Sadly the church often speaks out in horror - not about the sin but about the exposure. May this not continue to be the case.

From my notes:

Christ's love for the church - Unselfish love, pure love, a nourishing, serving, cherishing love. It is a beautifying love.

The church's love for Christ - The submission of love to perfect love.

Now the contrast directly quoted from Dr. Langberg (emphasis mine):

When abuse comes in – it does not teach us a picture of who God is. It teaches us lies. It breeds wrongdoing, sin, and fruit that is poisonous. It is frankly unthinkable that such things should be there in the illustration of our Savior's love for His bride. 

As I am sure you are aware in the history of the church, many times women have been battered and sent home in the name of submission. Many of them have died as a result. Often in the church when confronted with a man's abuse of his wife, the standard response has been instruction to the wife which entails doing her duty and often being told to go home and suffer for Jesus. I have worked with women who have been sent home by church leaders only to be beaten, taunted, humiliated... sometimes to death. 

Your husband can break your bones. He can smash in your face. He can call you a slut. He can break all the possessions. He can terrify your children. He can forbid you access to the money. He can isolate you from all relationship, and you are to go home and submit without a word and be grateful for the privilege of suffering for Jesus.

Why do we think this? Why is this so? It would seem as though the church is unsure whether issues of violence and justice are actually theological issues or that resistance to or exposure of violence and injustice in the home is somehow unbiblical. Is it really possible to use the Scriptures to justify the abuse of one's spouse? When did we start thinking that tolerating grievous sin in the home was a godly thing to do?

Oppression, injustice, cruelty, and abuse are never of God. I do not care what the context is. Those who are righteous will not be oppressive or abusive.

Any abuse that a husband perpetrates against his wife is a betrayal of his oath before God to love, honor, and cherish her, and it is a manifestation of unfaithfulness to the covenant he made before God. Any abuse is sin, not just against the spouse but against the Holy God.

Why is it when confronted with violence or abuse in a home, we have often placed the burden on the victim to justify her actions so that she must prove to us that somehow she did not make him do it, rather than dealing with the abuser, calling him to confess his sin, and demonstrate true repentance? We have frequently overemphasized the response of the abused to the exclusion of confronting the behavior of the abusers. I wonder sometimes do we really think protecting a home full of sin is in keeping with the sacred covenant before God?

(Reposted with minor editing. Originally posted September 30, 2013. )