A Tale of Two Churches

Lynette English has written the story of her abusive marriage and how it was handled by two churches. One handled it well, but one did not. The differences between the two reveal how much Christians need to learn about domestic violence. Here are a few excerpts, but please read the entire article for yourself. Thank you, Lynette, for sharing this!

From A Tale of Two Churches: Abuse and Protection of the Vulnerable in the PCA

Like many abusive spouses, my seminary-trained husband shed seminary-trained crocodile tears. The church’s compassion for my husband and the desire to save my marriage superseded church discipline. I was called to a meeting with my associate pastor and the elder task force, and told that my husband really needed grace. Lots of grace. I was to go home, love that man to death, and show him the grace of God by my actions, and he would find that irresistible. He would be forced to change, because my kindness would lead him to repentance. (I know now that this advice was counterproductive and downright dangerous.)

I was under a great deal of pressure to remain married. No one wanted me to live with him, but every step of independence that I took, including full-time employment and obtaining my own apartment, was viewed with suspicion and opposition. 

Not one leader from my church contacted me, and few friends followed up to see how I was doing. I felt as if there was a collective turning of their backs to me. I grieved. I was a member there for 25 years, and I’d done everything they asked until I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt betrayed and ashamed. 

I went again before a [different] group of PCA elders to tell them my story, but with completely opposite results!!! I was welcomed “unequivocally, and without reservation” into church membership, and they explained why they disagreed with my first church and why I had biblical grounds for divorce. They banned my ex-husband from the church property, unless invited for baptisms and weddings of our family, of which there have been a few.

I believe that our denomination could take time to examine how it treats women like me. Can’t we align our practices alongside Psalm 10: 17, 18, “O Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth will no longer cause terror.”

The entire article is here.