I was in the 5th grade at my elementary school. I don't remember much about the actual building, but I remember the stairwells. Metal hand rails with chipped paint, well-worn steps, and the combined odor of sneakers and Janitor-in-a-Drum. There were swinging wooden doors with glass panels at each floor so you could see if someone was on the opposite side and not knock them over by accident. I was getting ready to go down the stairs and was in the process of pushing the stairwell door when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass.
I will never forget the shock when I saw my face. I saw an Asian girl with glasses looking back at me. It may sound crazy, but I was so used to being around white kids that I forgot I was Chinese. I don't know what I expected to see, but it wasn't me. The Immigration Act of 1965 had been in place for several years, but you could still count the Asian families on one hand. White students outnumbered black students probably 5:1, if not more, so the norm was to be white. To be fully accepted, was to be white. To be thought pretty, was to be white. Consequently, I downplayed my ethnicity and tried to be as un-Chinese as possible. Not only in grade school but beyond.
During an icebreaker in my freshman year of college, we had to write down an obscure fact about ourselves, and everyone had to guess which fact went with which person. I deliberately put down the state in which I was born just to make the point that I was as American as everyone else. This was just one of the instances where I did all I could to distance myself from my roots. Looking back, my primary emotion is tremendous sadness because I was ashamed of my family's cultural heritage and, in one sense, ashamed of them. But ultimately I was ashamed of who God made me to be.
It's easy to underestimate the combined power of prejudice and assimilation, because they work hand-in-hand, even when it is subtle. Disapproval and disrespect slide under our guard and wound when least expected. Thus the first instinct is to do what we can to protect ourselves. Don't make waves. Don't say anything. Just fit in and assimilate. It's also easy to underestimate the need for representation, to see people like ourselves as valued and respected, not cast as stereotypes or the butt of jokes. I had no idea this was going on, but I am slowly recognizing their cumulative effects.
You may think I needed a good dose of finding my identity in Christ. Then I wouldn't have cared so much about fitting in and worrying about what people thought about me. This is certainly true because believers should resist conformity to the world. But what does it mean to be "in Christ?" What does that look like? Are our ideas regarding this completely free from the baggage of the time and place in which we live? If this is not the case, are Christians adding to the problem? I think we can and, in some cases, are.
We add to the problem when we talk out of both sides of our mouth. We say that identity is in Christ. Yet in the same breath, we tell people that they need to be this way or do these things, which are valued in our particular context and not necessarily uniform for all believers across time and culture. Just consider the fact that conservative American Christians can't stop talking about whether women should work or not (here and here). Sorry, folks. This a relatively recent first world problem. Jesus did not die so we could all be middle class. And for people who profess to believe in God's providence, we seem to take issue when it does not fit our desired norms.
As to what those norms are, it is like chasing Plato's Form of the Ideal Christian Woman. There is an unspoken, amorphous, and metaphysical standard hanging over us in the ether. You may think I am making this sound a little gnostic. Well, you're right because it's not enough to be a Christian woman. It's about being the right Christian woman. Only a select few have the special knowledge to instruct us how to dress, how to educate our children, what jobs we are allowed to have (if we are allowed to work at all), what tone of voice we should use, and on and on. But who gave them this authority? And what are they upholding as the standard? A majority cultural ideal or genuine biblical principles? Also how much of the conservative response to the second wave of feminism has been driven by the preservation of a way of life- an ideal that existed before the 1964 Civil Rights Act and the 1965 Immigration Act? The Feminine Mystique, which started the wave, was published in 1963. These dates are significant, in my opinion, and need further examination.
This burden also takes on an added dimension. Not only am I supposed to be this way, as an older woman I am supposed to teach cultural ideals that are not my own all in the name of fulfilling Titus 2. I could be creating the same situation I found myself in as a child. I could potentially cause other women to look at their reflections as not being good enough because they don't fit the cultural ideal anymore than I do. Why would I want to inflict that on anyone else?
I would encourage you to read the following posts. I am grateful that others are recognizing this problem and speaking up because this issue isn't going to go away. If you look at US census projections, minority children will exceed white children by 2020. That's only 3 years away. By 2044, the white population will be the majority minority. By God's providence, the face of America may be changing and so may the face of the church. How will we respond?
When Churches Colonize Femininity
Why White-Centered Discipleship Hurts us all
Evangelicalism and White-Centered Discipleship, Part 1
Evangelicalism and White-Centered Discipleship, Part 2
I will never forget the shock when I saw my face. I saw an Asian girl with glasses looking back at me. It may sound crazy, but I was so used to being around white kids that I forgot I was Chinese. I don't know what I expected to see, but it wasn't me. The Immigration Act of 1965 had been in place for several years, but you could still count the Asian families on one hand. White students outnumbered black students probably 5:1, if not more, so the norm was to be white. To be fully accepted, was to be white. To be thought pretty, was to be white. Consequently, I downplayed my ethnicity and tried to be as un-Chinese as possible. Not only in grade school but beyond.
During an icebreaker in my freshman year of college, we had to write down an obscure fact about ourselves, and everyone had to guess which fact went with which person. I deliberately put down the state in which I was born just to make the point that I was as American as everyone else. This was just one of the instances where I did all I could to distance myself from my roots. Looking back, my primary emotion is tremendous sadness because I was ashamed of my family's cultural heritage and, in one sense, ashamed of them. But ultimately I was ashamed of who God made me to be.
It's easy to underestimate the combined power of prejudice and assimilation, because they work hand-in-hand, even when it is subtle. Disapproval and disrespect slide under our guard and wound when least expected. Thus the first instinct is to do what we can to protect ourselves. Don't make waves. Don't say anything. Just fit in and assimilate. It's also easy to underestimate the need for representation, to see people like ourselves as valued and respected, not cast as stereotypes or the butt of jokes. I had no idea this was going on, but I am slowly recognizing their cumulative effects.
You may think I needed a good dose of finding my identity in Christ. Then I wouldn't have cared so much about fitting in and worrying about what people thought about me. This is certainly true because believers should resist conformity to the world. But what does it mean to be "in Christ?" What does that look like? Are our ideas regarding this completely free from the baggage of the time and place in which we live? If this is not the case, are Christians adding to the problem? I think we can and, in some cases, are.
We add to the problem when we talk out of both sides of our mouth. We say that identity is in Christ. Yet in the same breath, we tell people that they need to be this way or do these things, which are valued in our particular context and not necessarily uniform for all believers across time and culture. Just consider the fact that conservative American Christians can't stop talking about whether women should work or not (here and here). Sorry, folks. This a relatively recent first world problem. Jesus did not die so we could all be middle class. And for people who profess to believe in God's providence, we seem to take issue when it does not fit our desired norms.
As to what those norms are, it is like chasing Plato's Form of the Ideal Christian Woman. There is an unspoken, amorphous, and metaphysical standard hanging over us in the ether. You may think I am making this sound a little gnostic. Well, you're right because it's not enough to be a Christian woman. It's about being the right Christian woman. Only a select few have the special knowledge to instruct us how to dress, how to educate our children, what jobs we are allowed to have (if we are allowed to work at all), what tone of voice we should use, and on and on. But who gave them this authority? And what are they upholding as the standard? A majority cultural ideal or genuine biblical principles? Also how much of the conservative response to the second wave of feminism has been driven by the preservation of a way of life- an ideal that existed before the 1964 Civil Rights Act and the 1965 Immigration Act? The Feminine Mystique, which started the wave, was published in 1963. These dates are significant, in my opinion, and need further examination.
This burden also takes on an added dimension. Not only am I supposed to be this way, as an older woman I am supposed to teach cultural ideals that are not my own all in the name of fulfilling Titus 2. I could be creating the same situation I found myself in as a child. I could potentially cause other women to look at their reflections as not being good enough because they don't fit the cultural ideal anymore than I do. Why would I want to inflict that on anyone else?
I would encourage you to read the following posts. I am grateful that others are recognizing this problem and speaking up because this issue isn't going to go away. If you look at US census projections, minority children will exceed white children by 2020. That's only 3 years away. By 2044, the white population will be the majority minority. By God's providence, the face of America may be changing and so may the face of the church. How will we respond?
When Churches Colonize Femininity
Why White-Centered Discipleship Hurts us all
Evangelicalism and White-Centered Discipleship, Part 1
Evangelicalism and White-Centered Discipleship, Part 2
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