I am not your Asian stereotype

I happened upon this TEDx talk last night as I was clicking from one link to another. Although the speaker, Canwen Xu, was only 18 years old when she gave this talk, I heard my story even though several decades separate us in age and the little details are different.

Here are a few lines that resonated with me and brought me to tears:

I became more and more Americanized, I also began to lose bits and pieces of myself, parts of me that I can never get back, and no matter how much I tried to pretend that I was the same as my American classmates, I wasn't. For people who lived in the places I lived, white is the norm, and for me, white became the norm too.

Society uses our success to pit us against other people of color as justification that racism doesn't exist. But what does that mean for us Asian Americans? It means we aren’t quite similar enough to be accepted, but we aren’t different enough to be loathed.

Foreign but not quite foreign.
American but not quite American.
Individual but only when there are no other people from our native country around.

I wish I had the courage to confront these same issues when I was younger and the courage to say some of the things she says. I also hope that my majority culture friends will watch this to get a better understanding of the struggles Asian Americans face. Silence doesn't necessarily mean tacit agreement with the norm. Norming is demeaning and disrespectful. Please stop it. As a first step, examine how many majority cultural preferences are equated as biblical.

Our reticence to speak may be the result of years of weariness from needing to explain or justify being different. Our experiences are considered outliers and not worthy of consideration. Our opinions are over-ridden by majority rule and discounted as being "overly sensitive." Is this the same for you? How many opinions do you share with no authority and perspective other than your individual experience and you are not questioned?

I spend a lot of time researching and reading about the majority culture and a side of American history that is personally not my own. I keep a running list of sources and citations at my mental fingertips because I expect to be doubted unless I can provide the documentation. I go to all this trouble so I can better explain myself to you. But deep down, I do this because I care about you. I want to grow in understanding and empathy because, quite frankly, holding the unity of the faith in the bond of peace is often a deliberate choice and not a warm fuzzy. Will you do the same for me?

If you really want to know who I am, don't assume. Do some research. Ask for book recommendations. Ask questions, but please be prepared to listen, learn, and do some of the heavy lifting yourself.