What is fellowship?

We had a church meeting last night to discuss future small groups. We're using Why Small Groups by C.J. Mahaney, et al as the springboard. It was interesting that there wasn't a consensus to what fellowship is. The author of the second chapter does not believe that a social activity even among Christians is fellowship. There was talk about whether one needed to have explicit Christian conversation for it to be fellowship or not and reasons why it is hard to have fellowship. (I don't want to give the impression that folks were only interested in the social aspect of getting together at all.)

I thought Pastor Ryan made some good observations, the first being that our naturally bent is to not go to the "deep end of the pool". This is where the more heavy duty stuff like confrontation of sin and correction takes place. That needs to be the goal even though there is a journey to get there. Also, he mentioned that even a shared history together is not the basis for fellowship.

However, I left with an unsettled feeling. I don't have the answer to the question of "What is fellowship" but I began to ponder and pray about the reasons why we don't have fellowship or what makes it difficult for us to have fellowship.

On the one hand, I can understand why it's hard to open up to someone when you don't know them. I am an introvert and would rather converse with my rabbit than make small talk with people I don't know very well. But why is it that you can meet a stranger who shares a common interest and it's easy to strike up a conversation about that commonality with no trouble? That happened to me at Sears. I was in line and noticed the woman ahead of me had a quilted handbag. I asked her if she made it and, for brief few minutes, we connected over charm squares, fat quarters, quilting, and sewing. She was a complete stranger and I could connect with her over that common bond.

If Jesus Christ, His person, His work, His attributes, and the Word of God are the most important thing in our lives and we share that common bond with believers, especially the ones we are in fellowship with in the local church, why is it so hard to talk about Him? Surely that common bond should supersede crafts, pets, sports, and potty training in our conversation? Why do we compartmentalize Him? Shouldn't He be in our conversation as a normal thing?

Is this a cultural/societal thing? Now I'm really speculating here, but Americans are known for their rugged individualism. Everyone needs their personal space. How much of that mindset has oozed into our Christianity? "I will let you be close but only this close. I need to maintain my individualism. "I am definitely not for being assimilated into a cult like the Borg but is there a difference between maintaining my uniqueness as an individual but not my individualism?

Privatization is used in terms of Christianity and politics but has it become part and parcel of our everyday faith? Everyone probably remembers someone who was too vocal with their faith and that person was an embarrassment. Sort of like the loud Christian college student who would do open air preaching. Deep down, you were embarrassed to be associated with him and secretly you envied his boldness. But in society, there are these unspoken rules of polite behavior which dictate that "it just isn't proper to be too enthusiastic about such things". "There is a time and a place for those things, like in church, but not outside." Maybe I am making a caricature, but there is a certain genteel, Christian aloofness that is the norm in American Christianity. We come to the meetings, are faithful in giving and participating in the prescribed activities while maintaining a wall around ourselves.


What is the root or roots of all these reasons?

Is it fear of man?

When will we feel comfortable enough? Did the early Christians have to break the ice after Pentecost and take some time to "get to know one another"? Also, what does fellowship in Christ have to do with my comfort level?

Is it because Jesus Christ does not have the place He should in my life so it shows in my conversation? What we love the most is what we will talk about the most. Does it reveal my lukewarm heart?

I have many reasons why I hold back. They may seem legitimate to me. But are they legitimate to God? I don't mean this post to misrepresent anything or anyone. I love this church and the brothers and sisters there. But if there is something in me that is a hindrance to Biblical fellowship, I don't want to coddle that but, by His grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, not let it stand in the way anymore.