Ditch the myth

We went to a bridal shower this afternoon. The bride is the daughter of one of my closest friends. Although we've only known each other nine years, we've been through some deep trials together, and I love the whole family dearly.

The shower was very nice. Scripture was shared. There was prayer for the couple. The food was good. A good time was had by all.

I am certainly no prophetess, but I fully anticipated the bride to be asked this question. "When/How did you know he was the one?"

I don't mean to be cynical, but I think the one and soul mate need to be stricken from the English language. I can't help but think of Anakin Skywalker and Mark Sandford when I hear those phrases. My daughter did remind me later about Neo.

I don't mean to fault the person who asked the question at all. My problem is with the mindset of the one. That expression of he's the one or she's the one has so many expectations riding on it. It implies there is only one individual out of the billions on this planet who will make you happy. Plus if you're a Christian, you need to discern who that one is because it wouldn't be "God's Will" for you to be with any other person. Well, what do you do when the one disappoints you and doesn't meet those expectations? Maybe the person you thought was the one really isn't the one after all.


There are times when I feel like I'm mentally throwing cold water on love, romance, etc. The last thing I want to do is become cynical about marriage. But to be perfectly honest, my marriage is a direct casualty of the myth of the one.

I would love to see my daughter blessed with a godly marriage and children someday, but I don't want her to fall for that myth. I pray that she would have strong love and affection for her spouse but contrary to the 70's pop tune, love won't keep us together.

Kevin DeYoung in Just Do Something sums it up so well:

The problem with the myth of "the one" is that it assumes that affection is the glue that holds the marriage together, when it is your commitment to marriage that safeguards the affection.