Review: Broken Vows

Broken Vows: Divorce and the Goodness of God by John Greco, Cruciform Press, August 2013, 108 pages.

The subtitle of Broken Vows is Divorce and the Goodness of God.  Does that sound like a contradiction? Is it possible to discover the goodness of God in the tragedy of divorce? Author John Greco's answer would be "Yes."

In Broken Vows, he shares the story of his wife's adultery and the subsequent failure of their marriage. A promising ministry opportunity to serve as an associate pastor came crashing down as well. Yet through this heartbreak, Greco found comfort in the sovereignty of God and discovered that Christ is able to heal the painful wounds of divorce. In addition, he gives thoughtful counsel regarding the prejudice that a divorced Christian may face, the issue of forgiveness, and how to move forward in a gospel identity.

As a divorce survivor, I appreciate the courage it took to write this book. It couldn't have been easy. I'm also glad the author discusses divorce within the framework of God's sovereignty. It seems that this doctrine is easily forgotten when it is implied that the wronged party somehow could have saved the marriage. (Perhaps this is what leads to the prejudice?) But without His sovereignty, the outcome of our lives rests on our shoulders alone, which is an absolutely terrifying and hopeless prospect. How we need this doctrine as our anchor for all of life, including divorce.

I also loved how Greco deals honestly with the loss of identity as a husband or wife. He encourages us to move forward, not banking our hope in changed circumstances but finding our identity in Christ alone. "Who I am because of the gospel became the most precious thing in the world to me. Sadly, it took me losing almost every thing to see this clearly, but I am thankful that God in his mercy took me to a place where I had nothing left to grasp but him." (pg. 79)

In regard to interactions with an ex-spouse, the circumstances of each divorce are different. Also, it would be impossible for the author to anticipate every reader's situation. But I would suggest there is a healthy place for boundaries and consequences where domestic abuse has occurred. This is not to seek vengeance, for that belongs to the Lord, but to prevent abuse from continuing post divorce. ¹  Regarding forgiveness, I agree that we must not harbor bitterness but let it go to God. However, repentance does have a crucial place, not in wanting to see the ex-spouse grovel, but with the desire to see him/her reconciled to God first and foremost. Then reconciliation may be possible in Christ even if the marriage is not saved. ²

But aside from these aspects, I highly recommend Broken Vows. My copy is liberally marked with "Yes!" on many of the pages. If you are a pastor, counselor, or friend/family who is walking alongside a divorced believer, this would be a great resource. For the believer who is facing or recovering from divorce, this is not theoretical speculation but the words of someone who can empathize with you in your trial and point you to your only hope, Jesus Christ.

I received a copy of this book from Cruciform Press. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."'

[1] This is in regard to the section "Be Wronged to the Glory of God", which could be misinterpreted in a domestic abuse situation. 
[2] Although these books do not deal specifically with divorce, I agree with the authors views on the role of repentance in forgiveness: Forgiven to Forgiving - Jay Adams, Unpacking Forgiveness - Chris Brauns, What Did You Expect? - Paul Tripp pp. 92-93.