A few thoughts after the dust-up and some links

Last week, there was quite a dust-up over A Christian Wife's Catechism. The intent of this document was for women in "difficult marriages," but I was one of many who were concerned that the wording could further domestic abuse. In reading the comments of the defenders and detractors, one thing became clear, at least to me. If you disagree on the diagnosis, you won't agree on the remedy. It was no wonder people were talking past one another because there was fundamental misunderstanding on the definition and nature of abuse.

I wonder if the church-at-large is afraid of dealing with this issue? The fact that abuse occurs in homes of professing Christians pulls the rug out from under the idea that we have figured out how to save the family and thus save society. But the culture won't be saved by how pristine our marriages appear to the world. Salvation is through Jesus Christ alone. Now please don't misunderstand me. I firmly believe in marriage between one man and one woman. I believe that selfish and foolish decisions can lead to unbiblical divorce. But something is wrong, very wrong, when the mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being of God's image-bearers is secondary to preserving a grotesque distortion that bears no resemblance to His intent for marriage. We're not fooling the world. We're only fooling ourselves and making it clear to the victims that they are disposable collateral damage. Instead of "they will know we are Christians by our love", the watching world may only see how well we circle the wagons to defend ourselves and our ideals instead of the helpless.


Here are a few timely links:

Monday Mourning - Read this and weep.

I cry because I had to send them back to him again, knowing full well what that means for them. I cry because I feel helpless to help them. Every other week, I am bound and helpless again. This is transition day for me. A day my heart punches at the core of my soul with helpless screams and moans, as I leave my babies at the designated drop off and they watch me walk away, their eyes wide and scared. I won’t see them for a week. I can’t protect them for a whole week.

Are You Prepared to Minister to Those Suffering Domestic Violence? - Justin Holcomb

Friends, family, and ministry members can offer immense help and support to victims of abuse.

The alternate effect of this, of course, is that some “help”—if misapplied—can actually hurt. Unfortunately, many ministry leaders are woefully under-equipped to deal with domestic violence. Platitudes, prying questions, and shallow “biblical” answers, for example, do more harm than good for a victim who feels stuck in a desperate situation. In fact, many victims believe clergy have the most potential to help them, when in reality they are too often the least helpful and sometimes even harmful.

Three Reasons Why Staying Neutral is not Biblical - Leslie Vernick

Biblical counselors are trained to tell the truth when it comes to sins so why do we stay silent on marital abuse? Most biblical counselors have no problem telling a woman who decides to divorce her abusive husband that she’s wrong, or God hates divorce. When she’s expressing bitterness and resentment toward her abusive spouse she’s told that she’s unforgiving and hard hearted. Yet why in so many situations has no one said to her husband that he is abusive and destructive to her and to their marriage? God’s word is quite clear. Scripture amply supports God’s stance against abuse and the tactics of abusers.

The Bible says God hates injustice, oppressors, revilers, liars, hypocrites, and those who abuse their power to hurt and take advantage of others. Marriage is not the exception to God’s guidelines on how to treat people.

God's Grace an Excuse for Cruelty??  - Sam Powell addresses the "better than I deserve" card.

It is indeed true that God’s mercy can never be earned – or deserved. We increase our guilt daily before God. We are fallen sinners. Unless we are born again, we deserve nothing but eternal wrath and damnation. This is taught clearly throughout Scripture. 

(Eph 2:8-9 KJV) 8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

But this is speaking of our standing before the Judgment Throne of God. It does not follow that we therefore deserve to be treated with cruelty, hatred and dishonor by wicked men.

If the grace of God can be used to justify injustice and cruelty, then words no longer have any meaning.

Grace and Cruelty, cont. - Sam Powell

If God cannot ever bless an unrighteous man, there is only one way for us to be blessed by God. We have to be righteous. So the most important question anyone can ask themselves is this: “How can I be righteous before God?”

The answer of the Bible is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You have to have a righteousness that is not your own.