A special group demands a special leader

I applaud Dr. David Murray for tackling the subject of spiritual abuse in reformed circles. If we hold to a robust view of sin and holiness, it mocks our Lord and the truths we hold dear when leaders within the loosely reformed camp are characterized by pride, control, and bullying of anyone who disagrees with them. These things ought not to be.

After reading Dr. Murray's post, this excerpt from Dr. Diane Langberg's latest book may shed some light on why we have this problem. I affirm the doctrines of grace and believe them to be biblically true, but rather than humbling me, I can become proud in my "rightness" and spiritual superiority. We joke about cage-stage Calvinism, and thankfully, it usually wears off in time. Or it may not, and that is a grave danger. As the verse says, "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." Prov. 16:18 (KJV)

A second possible scenario can be found when a group is not depressed and hungry but rather already considers itself superior - more knowledgable, more spiritual, and as holders of a special or unique mission. Church plants, new organizations, spin-off churches, and older traditional organizations that have a sort of spiritual blue-blood mentality can be vulnerable to this group. When you are part of the "we know how to do it better" group, then a leader must by definition be grander and greater than the ordinary. A special group demands a special leader, and vice versa.  Extraordinary requires extraordinary leadership so you can easily end up with a narcissistic orgy. Initially group and leader adore the reflection of the self seen in the other. Your superiority is proof of mine. We are an elite system. We picked an extraordinary leader, and we will do exceptional things for God.

Such a group eventually becomes cannibalistic and ends in death as both group and leader feed off each other, never finding satisfaction and killing each other seeking it... At the end, the group is wounded and broken by the perceived and real failures of the leader, and the group deals with that wounding by seeking out another special leader who will really get it and do it right this time. It can actually lead to serial narcissists in leadership in the same system. 

This excerpt is from the chapter "Narcissism and the System It Breeds" in Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores, New Growth Press, 2015, pg. 295.