Have you ever had one of those "Aha!" moments when God's truth is suddenly illuminated by the Holy Spirit? I had one of those moments last night.
I was struggling these last few weeks with the topic of the next Titus 2 meeting, loving your husband. Given my situation, I didn't know if I should even go, because I didn't think I would have anything to offer. Another very real part was self pity. It still hurts at times, and it would be very tempting to stay at home and lick my wounds. But deep down I know that I need to be there.
So to wrestle this out with the Lord, I began to listen to John Piper's series on marriage. I started on the ones on divorce but then went back to the beginning of the series. He gives a very different view of marriage from anything that I had ever been taught. He defines marriage as not mainly about staying in love but displaying the covenant keeping love of Christ and the church. That is why marriage is only for this life, because in heaven we will be in the Reality of what was only a shadow on earth.
What is the foundation for the covenant? Christ's work on the cross where He laid down His life for those chosen by the Father based on no merit of our own. He gives us His righteousness and takes our sins upon Himself. He makes us His own and pours out grace upon grace as we persevere in this life. This is the foundation of marriage. The spouse realizes that he/she is chosen, loved, made holy by God because of the work of the Cross. Because of the reality of the Gospel, then grace can be extended to the other in Christ. The spouse will want to love, forgive, forbear, encourage the other because the Gospel has changed his/her own life.
Rather than making my situation seem more painful by contrast, the exact opposite occurred. My previous view of marriage was too small, too self centered. This Biblical view is so much bigger and God centered. Marriage is glorious, not because it is unalloyed earthly bliss, but because it glorifies God as it illustrates Christ and the Church. As I was pondering all of this, Piper said something to the effect that we are not transformed by examples or illustrations, we are transformed when we see glory, glory as revealed in the Word by the Holy Spirit. That happened to me last night.
It was like a flash of light that illuminated everything. If marriage is primarily a display of the Covenant love between Christ and the Church, which is wrought by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then the common destination for all believers is Christ and the Church. That means my destination, as a divorced woman is the same as my sisters who are married. Our circumstances are different, but the goal is the same.
This was earth shattering, because there is strong temptation to feel excluded, as though your marital status gives you a lesser place. But no, we are in this together. Married, single, and divorced. For those who are married, it is to be the earthly illustration of the heavenly reality. For me, it is to testify that my Lord and Savior is faithful and will never break covenant with His own even though my earthly covenant of marriage was broken.
Therefore I will stand with my sisters who are married. I will rejoice with them and pray for them as they seek to glorify God in their marriages. In different circumstances, but it is still the same Gospel at work, and we are being changed and made fit for the Reality to come.
So praise God, I am not excluded, because I have not been excluded from the Gospel.
I was struggling these last few weeks with the topic of the next Titus 2 meeting, loving your husband. Given my situation, I didn't know if I should even go, because I didn't think I would have anything to offer. Another very real part was self pity. It still hurts at times, and it would be very tempting to stay at home and lick my wounds. But deep down I know that I need to be there.
So to wrestle this out with the Lord, I began to listen to John Piper's series on marriage. I started on the ones on divorce but then went back to the beginning of the series. He gives a very different view of marriage from anything that I had ever been taught. He defines marriage as not mainly about staying in love but displaying the covenant keeping love of Christ and the church. That is why marriage is only for this life, because in heaven we will be in the Reality of what was only a shadow on earth.
What is the foundation for the covenant? Christ's work on the cross where He laid down His life for those chosen by the Father based on no merit of our own. He gives us His righteousness and takes our sins upon Himself. He makes us His own and pours out grace upon grace as we persevere in this life. This is the foundation of marriage. The spouse realizes that he/she is chosen, loved, made holy by God because of the work of the Cross. Because of the reality of the Gospel, then grace can be extended to the other in Christ. The spouse will want to love, forgive, forbear, encourage the other because the Gospel has changed his/her own life.
Rather than making my situation seem more painful by contrast, the exact opposite occurred. My previous view of marriage was too small, too self centered. This Biblical view is so much bigger and God centered. Marriage is glorious, not because it is unalloyed earthly bliss, but because it glorifies God as it illustrates Christ and the Church. As I was pondering all of this, Piper said something to the effect that we are not transformed by examples or illustrations, we are transformed when we see glory, glory as revealed in the Word by the Holy Spirit. That happened to me last night.
It was like a flash of light that illuminated everything. If marriage is primarily a display of the Covenant love between Christ and the Church, which is wrought by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then the common destination for all believers is Christ and the Church. That means my destination, as a divorced woman is the same as my sisters who are married. Our circumstances are different, but the goal is the same.
This was earth shattering, because there is strong temptation to feel excluded, as though your marital status gives you a lesser place. But no, we are in this together. Married, single, and divorced. For those who are married, it is to be the earthly illustration of the heavenly reality. For me, it is to testify that my Lord and Savior is faithful and will never break covenant with His own even though my earthly covenant of marriage was broken.
Therefore I will stand with my sisters who are married. I will rejoice with them and pray for them as they seek to glorify God in their marriages. In different circumstances, but it is still the same Gospel at work, and we are being changed and made fit for the Reality to come.
So praise God, I am not excluded, because I have not been excluded from the Gospel.
God is Good with a captial G
ReplyDeleteInsightful. I once was where you are. Divorced. I think part of the pain of it is that those who have not experienced it are many times unable to minister to the one in pain. But one person did...by praying for me. Even in the depth of my loneliness, knowing that this person was praying for me was of great comfort. I am glad for you that you are so much more spiritually mature than I was at that time. God is teaching and leading and holding you safe. I keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteSuch an encouraging post. One thing is for sure: you will likely, some day, be able to encourage someone else who is in your situation.
ReplyDeleteBless you!
I was just reading an entry the other day from a woman who was talking to leaders in ministry about how the goal is not to be like Ruth or like the Proverbs 31 woman, because although some will be married, others are called not to be. The goal is to become like Christ, not like other women. It was thought provoking for me. Thanks for sharing Persis
ReplyDeleteAmen. What an excellent post.
ReplyDelete