Another story has come to the light of a youth pastor who allegedly sexually assaulted a minor in the past. In light of #metoo and #churchtoo, the issue of abuse isn't going away and it shouldn't. The church of Jesus Christ should be a safe place, but sometimes it isn't. Wolves come in disguised as sheep or shepherds. Sometimes our naiveté or unwillingness to learn about these issues makes Christians easy prey. Stories like this make me angry especially when there is a coverup involved. So these are thoughts that have been going through my head that I need to get out.
- One victim speaking gives courage to others, which has led to arrest and conviction of predators. Isn't it better that criminals are brought to justice? Isn't it better that darkness comes to the light?
- If rehabilitating the abuser is important to you, what about the victims? What will it take for them to go on with their lives? Are you giving them the same care and concern?
- If there is a person or organization who can never do wrong in your eyes, you may have already been groomed. If you change your opinion, how quickly will you become expendable? Or is your good opinion necessary to remain in the "inner ring."
- If an organization is willing to sweep abuse under the rug because they profit (not just monetarily) from the abuser, then it is just as abusive IMO. It is in a symbiotic relationship with the abuser because they feed from the same source. They are not willing to lose control of what the abuser brings to them. This is revolting.
- Proximity doesn't cause predation. The evil began in the heart of the predator.
- Read this thread from Wade Mullen detailing the spin tactics used by abusers.
- One victim speaking gives courage to others, which has led to arrest and conviction of predators. Isn't it better that criminals are brought to justice? Isn't it better that darkness comes to the light?
- If rehabilitating the abuser is important to you, what about the victims? What will it take for them to go on with their lives? Are you giving them the same care and concern?
- If there is a person or organization who can never do wrong in your eyes, you may have already been groomed. If you change your opinion, how quickly will you become expendable? Or is your good opinion necessary to remain in the "inner ring."
- If an organization is willing to sweep abuse under the rug because they profit (not just monetarily) from the abuser, then it is just as abusive IMO. It is in a symbiotic relationship with the abuser because they feed from the same source. They are not willing to lose control of what the abuser brings to them. This is revolting.
- Proximity doesn't cause predation. The evil began in the heart of the predator.
- Read this thread from Wade Mullen detailing the spin tactics used by abusers.
7. Abusers can be quick to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong" but real apologies include a full and complete confession without explanation or excuse and an offer to accept penalizing actions. Restitution begins immediately with the victim and includes cooperation with the law.— Wade Mullen (@wad3mullen) January 9, 2018
- Another thread from Cyndie Randall.
If you’re unclear about the definitions of abuse or domestic violence, educate yourselves. If it hasn’t happened in your church yet, it will. If you’re not equipped & prepared for how best to respond, you can easily cause more harm.— Cyndie Randall (@CyndieRandall) December 30, 2017
These situations require great intentionality.
This an uncomfortable issue, but ignoring it isn't going to make abuse go away. Ignorance can only help it remain hidden longer.
Sigh. Perhaps the tension between encouraging reconciliation and protecting the abused is not zero, but its amplified strength is manufactured by men. The first order of business should always be to protect the abused. Instead we often eagerly accept any "notpology" offered by abusers which is a direct route to victim-blaming and shaming. Perhaps the best policy is to have a Title IX type administrative control in place that all reported abuses, no exceptions, will be referred to civil authorities. I don't know--maybe that would backfire. But clearly churches are drooping the ball.
ReplyDeleteSome states require mandatory reporting from clergy. Others do not. You also have the issue of Christians being distrustful of civil authorities for various reasons. The idea of bringing child protective services would be unthinkable esp. in some circles where the family/male authority is idealized.
DeleteI wonder what the response would have been if the victim was male? My suspicion is that because this was heterosexual, it was not seen as abuse. This opens up another can of worms regarding how M/F relationships are framed and how women are viewed in evangelical subculture.