Listening puts patience into practice

Listening is one of those things we take for granted and think we do well. But it's more than taking in speech through our ears. The point may not even be fixing a problem that is being presented. It's actually a setting aside of one's self and taking the time to be there for another person.¹

When I realized I needed to see a counselor several years ago, I assumed that she would tell me what to do, but she didn't. She gave me a safe and neutral space to unburden things I have never told another soul. She really didn't give much advice at all, but the blessing of having someone who actually listened to me and didn't offer platitudes or advice off the cuff enabled me to see my way more clearly than before.

Having a listening ear was important when working through my issues, but I think it is a basic human need. But to listen well requires patience which seems to be a lost virtue. Given our consumer mindset, we can tailor our lives to cater to our interests so all our input is from people we agree with and all our output is toward those who will nod their heads in favor. There's no need to be patient if everyone is like me, thinks like me, votes like me, reads the same books as me, etc. But Christian community, especially the local church, is perhaps more than being like-minded but gospel-minded. So our oneness is based on joint union with Christ rather than conformity on every secondary or tertiary issue. Thus we can disagree and even debate but with charity and without pressure for consensus.

Here are a couple quotes on patience from Forbearance: A Theological Ethic for a Disagreeable Church. Interestingly the author was ordained in the PCUSA and now attends a Church of Christ. (gasp!) I freely admit that I really like this book and have learned so much already. The author was also upfront about his theological background, so no obfuscation at all. Do I agree with everything? No. Does this mean I'm on a slippery slope? I doubt it. But perhaps this means I don't know everything there is to know, and there is plenty to learn from people who wouldn't be sharing a pew with me.

"Patient listening requires real attentiveness. More fundamentally, it conveys respect and a sense of value to our fellow Christians, assuring them that we are paying attention to who they are, what they believe, and what they need. As an act of mutual respect and concern, listening is a building block for true fellowship and understanding. At a basic level, having the patience to listen to one another demonstrates a profound faith in God, for taking the time to listen means that we are releasing time to God, trusting that the God who rules as sovereign over time will bless our investment in the good work of building friendships, searching for wisdom, and preserving the unity of the Body of Christ."²

"In the church, we listen to one another because we admit we do not know everything there is to know about God, the world, and the church's responsibility in it. We listen because we know we do not control the future, and we trust that God does. We listen as a confession of our dependence on God and as a sign of hope that God will speak words of wisdom to us, in the stillness of silence and through the convictions of those most unlike us. We listen out of respect for others in the church, fellow pilgrims in the faith. We listen because we are Christians who believe that humility and patience are often the sincerest expressions of piety we can offer in the differences that most perplex us."³

1. From The Lost Art of Listening, Michael P. Nichols PhD, The Guilford Press, 2009. Don't have an exact page number because I was listening to an audio version.
2. Forbearance: A Theological Ethic for a Disagreeable Church, James Calvin Davis, Eerdmans, 2017, pg. 58.
3. Ibid. pgs. 61-62.