Contrasting ambitions

So I finished Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. It was a surprisingly interesting and quick read. The author, Amy Chua, relates her struggles and successes with the Chinese parenting method in her quest for excellence. According to the author, high academic, professional, and artistic achievements are the only sources of true happiness. Therefore it's the mother's job to see that this happens through strict discipline and hard work.

I found myself cringing at her battles with her youngest over the violin and was shocked that she would deem birthday cards from a 4 and 7 year old unworthy because they were not the result of best effort.  Chua makes no bones about her ambitions for her daughters and firmly believes her parenting approach is best. Even if they hate her for a season, they will ultimately realize she had their best interests and happiness at heart. But she's honest enough to admit she might be jeopardizing their relationship in the long run. In the end, there was some compromise toward a slightly more Western approach. However, the book was rather sad for all the impressive successes she was able to achieve through her children.  Chua is blind to her own self-ambition driving her to drive her daughters. I couldn't help but hear these lines in my head: "Only one life will soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last."

I was prepared to dislike the author, given the volatile reactions to the book, but I didn't. I pity her. Maybe because I know "there go I but for the grace of God."  Regardless of whether you're a good Chinese mother or a Western mother, if the Gospel is absent, our ambitions for our kids come from hearts that want to exalt ourselves or our children.  Even Christianity can be twisted to become merely a tool to achieve my "best life now".  How often  is "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" taken out of context and used as a divine rubber stamp for self-centered dreams. "God" is reduced to a power pack, vending machine,  and a means to our ends - not the end in Himself.  Whether our kids are butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, moms, pastors, managers of Chick-fil-a, teachers, programmers, etc.  - the goal isn't to make a name for themselves or their parents, but to make God's name great.

Last night, I was listening to John Piper's biographical sketch on John G. Paton, missionary to the New Hebrides Islands, and was struck with the contrasting ambitions of Paton's parents and Amy Chua.  I'm not saying that all our kids must be missionaries and playing the violin well is evil. Rather this shows the difference only the Gospel can make.

"I had the highest hopes for Lulu and the violin. I wanted her to win the Greater New Haven Concerto Competition so that she could play as a soloist at Battell Chapel too. I wanted her to become concertmaster of the best youth orchestra. I wanted her to be the best violinist in the state - and that was for starters. I knew that was the only way Lulu could be happy. " The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, pg. 67.  (My guess is that Lulu was 8 or 9 at the time of this statement.)

"Heretofore we feared to bias you, but now we must tell you you why we praise God for the decision to which you have been led. Your father's heart was set upon being a Minister, but other claims forced him to give it up. When you were given to them, your father and mother laid you upon the altar, their first-born, to be consecrated, if God saw fit, as a MIssionary of the Cross; and it has been their constant prayer that you might be prepared, qualified, and led to this very decision; and we pray with all our heart that the Lord may accept your offering, long spare you, and give you many souls from the Heathen World for your hire. " John G. Paton: Missionary to the New Hebrides, An Autobiography Edited by His Brother, Banner of Truth Trust, pg. 57.